DROP THE WORD “OBVIOUSLY”
Every person has a story, and each of those stories is different. We have no way of knowing the extent of someone else’s story even if we’ve known them for years. Therefore, when we’re explaining something to someone, keep in mind that what may be obvious to you, may not be so obvious to them.
The word “obviously” may seem innocuous enough but it can feel like shit to hear. Imagine I’m explaining to you how to download an application on an iPhone and you’ve only just switched from Android to Apple devices. If I say, “Well, obviously you have to open the App Store,” and this is news to you, it makes you feel stupid, less capable, or like you should have known that fact and are somehow a lesser person because you didn’t.
When we claim something should be “obvious” and it’s not, the person on the receiving end immediately questions themselves and their intelligence. If that was you’re intention, well then… you’re a dick. If that was not your intention, you could prevent the other person from feeling like an idiot by avoiding “obviously” and words like it.
Before you say I’m just coddling people and they should toughen up, know that it’s not about protecting people from getting their feelings hurt. It’s about respect. All adjustments to how we speak and act toward others should be about respect. The same way we want those people to respect us.
If you still don’t get it, what’s something you know nothing about? Horses? Astrophysics? Cooking? When people tell you, “Obviously, the horse is seventeen hands,” it sucks if you don’t know what that means. You try to hide your ignorance, so you play along. Now you’re still lost, and they think you know what they’re talking about. If that person had just said “The horse is seventeen hands,” there’s room for conversation. I becomes acceptable to ask, “What do you mean ‘seventeen hands’?”
It’s a simple habit to let go of “obviously” if you remember: Nothing is obvious to everyone.
A stop sign isn’t obviously red to someone who’s colorblind. Even the Earth being round apparently isn’t obvious to some people. (Ok, maybe you’re allowed to use “obvious” with that last crowd.)
An unnecessary word isn’t worth making someone feel like an idiot. I think we can all agree that it’s “obviously” a good habit to drop that one from our everyday vocabulary.
