Dec 31, 2018
You are at your best when you’re better
You get to grieve: How I’ve dealt with loss this Holiday season.
By the way…
If I told you I would call you back or send you a message…
I lied…
Right now, I’ve got extreme social anxiety, and I have no interest in doing so.
It’s not you. It’s me.
No, I didn’t have a Merry Christmas. No Happy Holidays. My brother died a preventable death. If I don’t seem like myself…Guess what?!
I’m not…
I was ignorant to the “weight” of being strong.
So why would an otherwise private person share this much?
Because somebody else has experienced pain, hardship, and even loss of friends and loved ones, but never took the time to actually grieve.
Yeah, that’s me, too. In the past, I’ve carried these things. I’m the strong friend or family member. I was ignorant to the weight of being strong. But the trauma of my brother dying…the how and the why…has just been too much weight to carry.
Don’t focus on progress, focus on healing.
It’s ok to just grieve. The world will keep spinning, but it’s ok for you to stop and just grieve. It is a process, but trust the process. Don’t focus on progress, focus on healing. Fuck them if they don’t understand.
You are human. Not Machine. You are at your best when you are better.
You are at your best when you are whole.
If you take the time to go through your process, you will know when you are whole. At some point you’ll manage the pain of loss instead of it managing you. Don’t feel guilty. You’re not moving on to leave your loved one behind. You’re growing to accept a new normal filled with memories that seem surreal and a love that is so true.
