Reddit NFL fans showed me we don’t take men’s mental health seriously.
The year was 2019. Back then, I lived in Indiana. I was sitting on a love-seat at my (then) boyfriend’s house, reading Charles Baudelaire.
“Oh my God, no!” my boyfriend gasped from his recliner. “No, no, no, no, no.”
The hair on the back of my neck stood up. My heart skipped a beat. Had someone died? Did he lose his job? Was there some mysterious illness he was just diagnosed with?
No. Andrew Luck, the storied quarterback for his favorite football team, retired.
“Doesn’t that happen all the time?” I asked. “What’s the deal?”
He explained in excruciating detail that the Indianapolis Colts had been on an upward trajectory for the last few years. Andrew Luck was (apparently) a generational talent whose retirement was a shock to the team and fan-base.
“Just a fair warning,” he said, looking ashen and forlorn. “I might not be myself for the next couple of weeks.”
I laughed it off, thinking he was joking or exaggerating. He wasn’t. He was moody, irritable, and on edge for about a month. Anytime the topic of football was brought up by friends or family members, he became sullen and withdrawn. At work, his colleagues (who were a mix of Bears and Saints fans) ribbed him mercilessly.
“I know it sounds stupid,” he confided one night. “It shouldn’t affect me like this. But it does.”
Over the coming months, his mood improved. He started watching football on Sunday afternoons and things returned to normal. I didn’t think about that episode again for years.
That is, until last month.
I came across this Reddit thread in which a Reddit user asked, “Have you ever had to take a step back from sports because of your mental health?”
It was a brave and vulnerable question. And one that deserves further scrutiny. I have seen, time and again, people mocking and berating men for their “over-investment” in the outcomes of NFL games.
Responses were mixed. Some users gave helpful advice and insight. But many were decidedly unhelpful. Here’s a small sampling of problematic responses:
-lol dude it’s just a game you have no control of
-Having anxiety over a sportsball team you have ZERO actual skin in the game with….is laughable. Grow the fuck up.
-Have you tried beer?
-No??? It’s only a game.
To an extent, I understand. Social media lit up this week, broadcasting a 49ers fan who flew into a rage and destroyed a flat-screen TV when his team lost. Those displays of rage are unhealthy and (understandably) demonized.
But the larger trend troubles me.
Fans love to tease their rivals when their team loses. But if the above Reddit thread is to be believed, it’s not uncommon for football fans to avoid certain friends after a tough loss. Some log off social media for weeks at a time. Others even refuse to watch football for weeks, months, or years a time.
I’ve heard large swaths of people chastising football fans for their passion. If I’m being honest, it’s mostly women. They can’t understand a person wrapping up so much of their personality in a team that they’re not a part of. To many, it seems tribal, antiquated, and bizarre.
Ironically, many of my friends who berate NFL fans are the same ones who scream at their TVs when their favorite contestant on The Bachelor isn’t chosen. Some of them become moody when their favorite sitcom characters break up.
Like it or not, we develop a para-social relationship with a lot of the entertainment we consume. And if you find that you’re disproportionately upset by a sports team losing, a character in a TV show dying off, or whatever it may be…feeling shame won’t help. What you should do is see it for what it is: a potential symptom of a larger mental health issue.
Oftentimes, we attach our own happiness to extraneous outcomes, and that can be harmful to our overall emotional well-being. The dejected, depressed feeling that accompanies a team’s loss in the big game isn’t always about football. If you recognize the pattern in yourself, it might be a good idea to book some time with a therapist to explore your relationship with the sports’ team…and your own psychological health.
And if someone you know appears to be suffering after their favorite team lost?
Well, I’ll leave you with this insightful Aldous Huxley quotation:
“…after 45 years of research and study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other.”
