Men Need Protection as Much as Women Do
We fail to protect men when they need it the most
Women face discrimination, risks and perils that many men cannot even immagine, on a daily basis. The unsafety of the social environent and the constant struggle women have to fight against a systematic disparity is something which cannnot be trully felt by someone who didn’t experience the same kind of life. Yes, there are many cases when men get discriminated and abused (much more than it’s commonly thought), but still, the majority of victims of abuse, hatred, overpowerment and inequality are women.
In the last several years we’ve seen a lot of effort being invested in the protection of women. On the legislative side, we have the Instanbul convention, CEDAW, and a lot of countries pushing forward special laws or legal guidelines which protect or emphasize the protection of women. On the public side, there are a lot of efforts and movements to protect women and give them a safer environment. With the rise of #MeeToo movement we’ve seen a lot of female victimization being uncovered, perpertrators exposed, and strong messages being sent to address the protection of women. There are still places which lack behind, but in general there’s a worldwide effort to protect women from various kinds of abuse, mysogyny, overpowerment and inequality. While some, including me, would argue this is still not enough, we can agree there’s a lot of it, much more than ever before.
What about men? There are no new legislatives nor widely accepted public movements which specifically protect men. There are widespread opinions and worldwide movements promoting the idea that men should change, that patriarchy and inequality hurt men as much as they hurt women. But there's no or very little effort being invested in protecting them (yes, there is MRA, but the are neither an effort nor protection). It's because men, in their position of power, don't need as much protection, right? I say they do.
Men need protection as much as women do, but a different kind
When we think of male perpetrators (being abusers, mysogynists, privileged males abusing their power, or any other) we usually see horrible persons who need to be punished, removed from the society or rehabilitated. But rarely we see them as someone who needs protection. Yet, if we look it form another perspective we’ll realise they do... try to imagine them when they were little inocent kids, around five years old or below. Do you think these little, still unmolded, kids wanted to become abusers, mysogyinists or other type of troublesome person? They didn’t. It’s all learned behaviour. In some rare cases there could be some inborn pathology which induces malignant thoughts and behaviours in even the youngest kids, but most of the still unmolded kids don’t have any malevolent intentions. They learn to become perpetrators through experiencing or witnessing abuse, neglect, discrimination, aggression, submission and power plays.
In the end, it’s what we experience through our upbringing and living environment which makes us develop into a certain kind of people. Of course, there are always genetic predispositions, but it’s the soil and wheather which shapes the plant growth, not the seed.
We need to protect men from the influences which make them grow into perpetrators
Once you understand that the privileged and malevolent male behaviour is actually embeded inside them through childhood on an emotional level, and manage to see that kind of conditioning as a subtle, but continuous, form of abuse, you realise men need protection as much as women do.
I’m not trying to justify perpetrators and the harm they are doing. While none of us can be held responsible for how our environment shaped us when we were little kids, that doesn’t give us the right to harm others. But still, becoming a perpetrator is a cause and effect situation which needs a deeper insight in order to find a longterm solution.
When I was discussing this topic with my partner, she agreed there’s a need to protect men, but noted that the current, far more urgent, priority is to protect women. I agree protecting women is a pressing matter, but see the protection of men as equally urgent. Along with the effort to protect women we should invest equal effort into protecting men. Not later, not after we established enough protection of women, not some day, but now. Because both efforts go hand in hand with each other.
By protecting women we are curing the simptoms, while only by protecting equally both men and women we can cure the dissease
If we put more effort into protecting men from influences which make them become perpetrators, we will have much less male perpetrators, thus far less female victims. If we want a peaceful society, empowering men not to become perpetrators is equally important as empowering women to defend themselves from becoming victims. We could argue it’s even more important, because in a world where there are no prepetrators, there are no victims either. By protecting men from becoming perpetrators we are also protecting women and curing the disease.
We won’t change men by urging them to open their eyes and change, but by giving them a safe environment in which they can develop and grow more healthily
Today there are a lot of effors to change the way patriarchic, mysogynyc and abusive men think about and act towards women. We see more and more men opening their eyes and becoming aware of their unfair views. But we also see a lot of men resisting the idea that they should change, claiming their rights to be the way they want to be, or defending inequality, overpowerment and abusive behaviour. It’s because such mentalty has been deeply embeded inside them through their upbringing and life experiences. So deep that none of the efforts, movements, pleas, explanations, statistics or examples can change that. Any call for a change just bounces off of them and returns as a counterattack. For those men we arrived too late. We failed to protect them when they needed our protection the most. Expecting them to change is like expecting an already withered plant to grow again - it might happen if you’re lucky and give it enough water and nutrients, but usually it doesn’t. But there are men which we can still help and protect. And guess what, those little men will, along with women, be carrying the future.
What can each of us do? We can change the way we see gender inequality, transform it from a battleground into a place which promotes peace and protection for everybody.
If this resonates with you...
The next time you feel like pointing a finger at a patriarchical, mysogynic or abusive man, try to imagine him when he was a little defensless kid. Try to feel his inocent joy and curiosity, and see the lack of protection and guidance he experienced during his upbringing. Then try to point that finger in the direction which really matters - protection of today’s little men, who can be given a chance to blossom into healthy adult men living alongside women as their equals and building a peaceful society.
