As long as you’re not in danger…..
Cold, Flu, or COVID-19: Loneliness is the Worst Symptom
When I was introduced to Medium two years ago I didn’t think it would be to write a blog. My arcane and incorrect understanding of a blog was keeping my journal online rather than in notebooks or diaries made specifically for that purpose. I had kept an online journal — a blog — of what I was then experiencing in my recovery-from-trauma life. I kept another blog to conceal the ridiculous amounts of poetry I was then writing from prying eyes, and for 3 summers I kept a Gratitude Blog that was my salvation in the midst of what could have been a devastatingly final end. Luckily, this is not what happened. From my literary writing here: poetry, creative non-fiction, memoir, a new model has been evolving for some time. Let’s just call it a Blog. And if I master video creation competently, perhaps a V-log. Isn’t that a kick in the pants!
I found myself last week caught in the eye of the pandemic thunderstorm we are now experiencing globally and posted the following post on my FaceBook profile last night at 10 p.m. When I came back in 15 minutes 20 people had already reacted to the post, and several had left responses. By this morning there are 50 comments and as many 👍 and ❤️s. Now, please know that on a good day I have around 200 friends on FB because I have not accepted nor extended friend requests to anyone I have not met in person in the physical world, not simply digitally. Any number over that initial 200 is due to the wonderful friends I have made here on Medium, who have also connected with me on other social media platforms or privately. I am sharing it here because
no one has to feel alone just because they are in isolation!
I am fighting my own reluctance in asking for help in writing this post. Have been symptomatic for almost a week now with what turns out to be a wicked cold, thankfully not COVID-19, as far as I have figured it out. As some of you know, my body is more used to having big fat breakdowns rather than colds or the flu. Seriously, I think this is only the 2nd cold in five or six years.
I began self-imposed quarantine last Monday. Although I am accustomed to being alone at home and happy with my circumstances, there is a difference between happily alone from not being able to leave the house because of outside measures. I am part of the “at risk” population: of a certain age (elderly), with diabetes and heart complications, a history of asthma plus a compromised immune system. Haven’t even been out to pick up my mail because the driveway is covered in wet and slippery leaves as it continues to rain, a danger for my slippery feetzes if I fall and break something irreparably.
My out-of-town children and in-town new-mom child are staying in touch via FaceTime regularly, Shaan and Kate have checked in to see if I need anything. Amita and Pat have brought me supplies yesterday and stayed to chat while standing the recommended healthy distance away. Because of my recent vision diagnosis (macular degeneration), reading online or streaming entertainment is becoming a pain in the assets.
I will need to stay isolated for at least a couple of weeks after becoming asymptomatic for the health of others, and longer if necessary, for my own health. I cannot see my bundle of pudding love grandbaby for the time being until this crisis is resolved.
If you are reading this, drop me a line here or text or better still make time for a phone call. If you have my phone number, you know who you are. Just to catchup and chitchat and know that things will not always be this way. I am not afraid, just annoyed at being at the mercy of this situation and the failing medical-industrial system. As SK reminded me, there may not be enough ventilators at the hospital if I end up there again. Which I don’t plan to be.
This has been a tough post to write because I’m so cute and youthful feeling.
I meant yesterday that I am offering help as much as I am open to asking for and receiving help. That is not what many people understood who offered me heartfelt virtual hugs. Some had great ideas about how to rest my eyes while entertaining myself, some sent voice messages on messenger. These turned out to be from Zarina Down Under adjacent and Julia Kantic from Croatia! My phone has been ringing off the proverbial (non-existent) hook all day, so that it is now lying exhausted, sucking life from the charger for the 100th time.
Today I have learned how to create videos on my laptop, upload them to Youtube, share them on Medium. Who knows where this adventure will go? Tonight I will listen to my first podcast and lay new neural pathways in the brain by activating a new way of accessing and absorbing information. Who knows how far this project might take me into a vision-less future. Certainly not down the road of despair or surrender.
I find I am so excited that I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head….. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams…. Red, Shawshank Redemption
Bunni and Peeku are not reacting well to not getting home-cooked turkey/ rice/vegemables which we ran out of today, kibble has mostly been left untouched. Even if I could go out to purchase replacement supplies, the store employee who very reluctantly answered the phone has sadly informed me that just like toilet paper and sanitizer, meat and bread are also gone from the shelves. Doggies will have to suffer through this crisis just like their peoples.
This is a good time for contemplation on what is and isn’t important in our lives. To play the game of best-case-scenario versus worst-case-scenario. To be aware of our privilege. To be good to ourselves. To be tender with ourselves. To be loving to ourselves. So that we generate enough good, and tender, and loving feelings to share with others and have compassion for those who don’t have the privilege of this contemplation.
If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else. ~RuPaul
