V-Log: Self Care in the Time of Corona
Self care and selfish: are they synonymous?
There’s a lot I could say about learning to self care but New York Poet Laureate and author Audre Lorde said it before me, better than me, and beautifully.
Named New York’s Poet Laureate in 1991, Audre Lorde once described herself as a black lesbian feminist warrior mother who addressed sexism, classism, homophobia, and racism in America. Throughout her career as a writer, librarian, and civil rights activist, Lorde authored more than 10 books, including Sister Outsider and was the subject of three biographical films.
I am grateful to my son, a librarian (among other things), for introducing this self-aware writer and activist to my reading life, who deeply affected my consciousness, and eventually my journey of healing and recovery.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
“Caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” ~ Audre Lorde
For years I had undiagnosed Dissociative Identity Disorder. By the time I found out the reasons that DID had been the way my mind chose to handle childhood trauma, I had met many of the personas who were simply younger versions of me. So when I learned to take care of myself it was like taking care of my own children in my care. I feel very fortunate to have started my healing journey this way, being able to coddle and cuddle each little Juhi who needed to be loved, protected, and freed.
I continue to treat the integrated ME-Juhi with the same love, respect, and attention that I lavished on my younger selves. I don’t force myself to do anything I am not ready or equipped to do. After even the smallest task accomplished I often pump my fist in the air and say good job! Good Job!! GOOD JOB!!! I apply kisses to my face with my fingers. I wipe my tears with tenderness. I don’t insult or belittle myself in my writing, in my speech, or even in my thoughts. There is no internal conversation that is ever based in mockery or sarcasm or undervaluing myself. I clap and cheer for myself when I have overcome a fear or a roadblock. I often thank myself for the meal I have made and eaten, and a voice from within graciously says “you’re welcome”. Although by no standards of beauty (of the society I live in) am I considered pretty, I feel very beautiful and often throw kisses at myself in the mirror. No one has the power to make me doubt or deride myself. No one who is toxic to my physical, mental, or spiritual health is any longer a part of my life.
I have made a daily practice of saying I love you to myself while watching television in the evening and at bedtime, and always hear back I love you, too. Sometimes, during a difficult day, my inner voice asks “…but do you love me more than”….followed by the names of my children, my few friends, or my dogs…sometimes even the name of my ex-partner who I have not seen for many years and who I am not in touch with…and my answer is always a resolute I love you more than I love anyone else, Juhi. And it’s true, I do.
What ways of self care do you employ? What makes you feel taken care of by your own actions? Share with us!
Elizabeth Helmich Dennett Mark Starlin Guérin-Kairu Asante Wild Flower Charlotte Franklin Tien Skye Roy Mrs. Roy Harper Thorpe Jack Herlocker James Finn Tre L. Loadholt Kay Bolden Ré Harris Rebeca Ansar Pamela Edwards Pamela Fender Michael Stang edh lamport Bonnie Flach Kathy Jacobs Mary Holden Julia Kantic Tracy Aston Jeff Suwak A Maguire Meg Stephen M. Tomic Indira Reddy Zarina Dara Zach J. Payne Terrye Turpin Terry Barr Elle Rogers Lisa Alletson Annie Caldwell Adam, Diabetic Cyborg Noe (Lisa Arana) Mike Range Ann Litts Susan Brearley Laura Johnson Jack Preston King Sravani Saha Mo Solo Kyrie Gray Erik Smith Melina Saint Thunderdome DHBogucki Lon Shapiro Justin Deming Shringi Kumari Joe Pregadio Joe Váradi Simran Kankas Benjamin Davis Jaime Green DiAmaya Sherry Kappel Farida Haque Eric Jennings Emme Wright Heath ዟ FILZA CHAUDHRY Linda Caroll Brian Cailsey Jane Vogel Bebe Nicholson Georgia Lewitt Jenny Justice Christina M. Ward Jun Wu Aashna Pant Nicholas Petrone
