ARE YOU STICKING TO YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS?
I bumped into an article some days back, which, as I read turned out to be quite interesting.
It was about the journey of a Bengali (India) girl, I am following on Instagram, who moved to Goa (India) about 5 years back with only (Indian) Rupees 40,000 in her bank account. When she moved, she was at the rock bottom in her life having freshly escaped from an abusive marriage. She began living a mindful lifestyle and rose up from, what she calls, the lowest points of her life. Currently, she works as a yoga teacher, volunteers at an animal rescue center, and merrily settled in Goa.
In that article about her story of transformation and liberation, there is a line, which is basically her advice to whoever is struggling with something or the other (in their life). It says:
“Take a step back from whatever it is that is creating a burden.”
What does she mean?
How do we step back from the problems we have in our lives? They are there. How does stepping back would help to sort them out?
No. Stepping back does not mean running away from life’s messes. That won’t work. It only means not getting ourselves involved in the emotional state of mind, whatever kind it may be, that is caused by a particular problem we are facing, for longer; to not hold onto the unpleasant emotions triggered by these issues. By saying this, I don’t mean to indicate that experiencing negative emotions is wrong or bad.
Let me elaborate a bit.
Say, your manager just remarked about the work you completed late yesterday evening, clearly belittling all those efforts you put in to deliver the work in time meeting the client’s requirements. And it is just the morning — just the beginning of the day. You are intensely furious.
In another situation, you are having a casual conversation with a colleague and she blurts out a few things that make you realize that she, though a friendly colleague, in fact completely disparages the work you do in the company. You are hurt as well as highly resented having learnt the bitter truth.
Or lately, you have been waking up anxious every morning for having to be prepared to deal with an overwhelming workload in your office.
All these feelings are alright and entirely normal.
And so are the feelings of grief, worry, fear, frustration, depression disappointment, or any other, which, by its nature — are unpleasant to feel.
There is nothing wrong with having a broad range of such unpleasant emotions. After all, these are our body’s reactions to certain undesired things we have perceived.
But when such an emotion is turned on and while you are experiencing it — just pause and try to focus on and notice your breathing for a while. To do it in the simplest manner, you can count your breathing at the same time (mentally) observing the expansion of your chest as you inhale and contraction as you breathe out. Do this for a minimum of 5 minutes.
Alternatively, you can take a short break from what you have been attempting to accomplish at work (while the powerful emotion is all over you) and go outside and hear the sounds of the birds chirping (if you have the privilege of — in the vicinity of your workplace) or simply, try to perceive by means of your senses — sight, hearing, touch and smell, everything that you can, that is around you. Or you can focus on anything that is pleasant and does the job of distracting you from the intense thoughts and emotions for a while.
Would this make your manager or that colleague walk up to you and apologize for what he/she just said to you and how that made you feel? Would it change their attitude and perspective about you and your work? Would it make you wake up not feeling anxious anymore at all and at the same time, manage the workload within the snap of a finger? Not at all.
But rather more importantly, it will give you a bit of peace. It will relax you for some amount of time and make you feel calmer.
While it is true that negative emotions are absolutely normal and that these are important as they tell us there is something we need to address. But we have to acknowledge that they also don’t help us to work through the issues.
Additionally, one cannot deny that they cause inconvenient uncomfortable sensations within us.
As we hold onto them and attach to them, they prolong for a longer time only causing us more harm than good. Because the longer prevalence of these emotions stops us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations from their true perspective. When this happens, we tend to see only what we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This further lengthens the time we feel them and eventually cement and strengthens them into us so much that they outpower us and start controlling us. Ultimately, we end up disliking us or others or harboring low self-esteem and generally losing life satisfaction. This adversely impacts our physical and mental health and well-being. And we find it impossible to stop this. Often, we believe that this is all the truth and that we have to live it and are unable to be happy.
So then is stepping back from these painful feelings easy? It is a huge struggle and hustle lasting for quite a while. But again that is true about every success story.
The next time you feel any such emotion, I recommend:
- That you don’t blow it out of proportion by attaching to it or going over it and time and again in your mind.
- At the same time, accept and embrace that they are unavoidable and completely normal.
- Find ways to make yourself relax and feel better by doing pleasant activities — whatever works for you.
- Also, try to notice the feelings you go through while you experience these emotions, and see what triggers them so you are prepared in advance. Preparation makes it easier and reduces the effect.
- Figure out and practice habits that will train you to cope better and
- Learn to let go of the past. It will help you to open your mind to new outlooks and methods making your life better and happier.
Thank you for reading this.
