Fiction | Affection | Self improvement
The Absence
A walk back into the memory lane of longing and hope
I feel painful emptiness in my chest, which only you can fill. Monotonous days end loudly while still lost in memories like a broken record.
‘I miss you,’ but I say it into the darkness of my room, because for some reason it might reach you miles away.
I miss you too, as a chant, a monotone juggle between my ears, and a litany of solace as much as torture.
But then, in the still of the night, my doubts often return as an unwelcome guest, entering through a dark window. ‘Do you miss me as much as I do?’ I ask aloud, not always finding a comfortable answer.
“I do,” her voice replies, soft and gentle. “But it’s not enough.”
Not enough. The words seemed to breathe and hang, putting a heavy pressure on my chest. Not enough to make up the gap, not enough to fill the cracks in the foundation of our connection.
I lie in bed and try to sleep but something is pulling my heartstrings. I am afraid and ask: ‘Will I be all right again?’
‘I don’t know,’ she says. Her voice cuts directly to my core. It’s not that I want connection so much as I’m scared to be alone.
There’s another burst of lightning, followed closely by the crack of thunder, making it the closest I’ve ever been to something that disrupts the space-time continuum. ‘But I’ll try if you will.’
If there’s any shred of light to hold on to — because there seems to be no other way out — then her words are it. ‘I am,’ I say again, a little stronger this time. ‘I will.
And since then, I’ve been able to say with confidence to myself, as I go through the motions of day to day life, that if love is worth fighting for, then it’s worth it, and then it will be worth it, and one day we’ll be together again.
Because love, after all, is not measured in miles or minutes. It reflects in shared moments, exchanged laughter and shed tear. As long as we hold onto those precious memories, our affection will endure to eternity.
