Never Give Advice Again: How to Really Help by Giving Invisible Support
The Emotionally Intelligent Response to Others’ Problems
Even if we don’t bill ourselves as a “coach” or a “consultant,” people tell us about their problems. And with the best of intentions, we start doling out unsolicited advice. I learned from Ethan Kross’s book Chatter: The Voice In Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It how to help people by giving what he calls “invisible support.” Here, I’ll describe 9 ways in which we can give invisible support.
Resist the urge to give unsolicited advice
How many times have we heard a friend or colleague spill out their description of an unfortunate situation? It might be a run-in with another colleague, a spat with a mother-in-law, or a hassle over a recent purchase.
In those situations, I sometimes hear myself saying, “You just need to…” But I can see the other person’s body language saying, “Lady, shut up.”
Offering cognitive solutions to emotional situations won’t necessarily result in positive emotions for the other person. In fact, it could backfire! The other person might feel worse, and then blame the person who offered the advice!
