Send Love. No Matter What.
This was a hard lesson for me. At night after dinner, my family and I used to sit around and make fun of, criticize, and totally shred politicians, celebrities and other people in the news.
It became second nature to stay in that critic mindset, feeling superior, thinking only about what is wrong with someone and not even seeing what might be good or right about them.
You can imagine how many friends I lost, one by one, with an attitude like that. Being with me must have been like hanging out with a thicket of wild, unpruned brambles.
I was in my 30s by the time I really ‘got’ the harm I was doing by acting so superior. Not only was I definitely not superior, I didn’t even really feel that way, and I secretly hated myself every time some hurtful thing slipped out past my lips.
It was at a self-improvement workshop around that time that I decided that things absolutely had to change, in a very, very big way. It was just not fun acting and being so awful.
I had a few friends, but I held them at arm’s length because I didn’t want to hurt them with my nasty tongue — that Arrogant Superior Bitch was quite alive and very willing to use the blade on just about anyone. And she did NOT want to die.
I didn’t want to kill her — that was me, nasty or not!
But I didn’t know what to do — no one had ever taught me how to modify my thinking.
In the end, I came to the conclusion that the only way to get some kind of resolution was to just start sending her love, because that was what she/I needed the most. Under the mean outer cloaking, she felt empty, abandoned, unworthy, unloved. So I figured that hole had to be filled somehow.
It was hard at first, because I was so furious at myself for having allowed her to rule my life. I just wanted her gone. And the habit of cutting people down was much stronger than blessing, praising or appreciating them. I had to consciously develop, use, hone, and refine the ability to be kind.
As I went along on my self-nice-ing journey, I finally saw what had been there all along: from very young, my unconscious strategy was to push people away, first — that gave me a sense of power, and allowed me to have my own space to whine and complain that ‘nobody loves me!’
What a stupid conundrum. Of course nobody wanted to be around me! I was horrible — when I wasn’t being cutting, I was complaining, or being all morose about how ashamed of myself I was, or how hard my life was. Who wants to be around that?
But I persevered. I built little rituals to keep my mind in love-mode.
For instance, before I said a word to anyone, I would try to imagine I could see their beautiful-est, highest self. Or I’d make a point to appreciate their amazing art, or admire something they were wearing, or some thing they said — anything to keep from allowing Razor Tongue to creep back into the old habit of shredding people.
Understand — practicing being nice did not mean being nicey-nice, cutesy or sappy-sweet. It meant — and means — that I do my best to come from respect and openness. Authentic niceness. Not cloying get-approval-sweet-fake-niceness.
Later, in my 50s, I was invited to serve as Artist-in-Residence in Gore, a little town in New Zealand, way down at the bottom of the South Island. Everyone there is so polite, so gracious.
It was actually a little like going back to the 50s, when people still dressed nicely and were polite to each other. It was even kind of a shock, after living in the loud, aggressive USA!
I had made good progress with nice-ifying myself, but compared to these sweet people, at times I still felt embarrassed to open my mouth. I felt like the cartoon version of the Ugly American.
So I amped up my niceness-practice.
It was during my time there that I also eliminated my decades-long habit of suicidal thinking. I used a healing modality called EFT, the Emotional Freedom Techniques. I was so excited about that that I trained to become a coach, helping others with their trauma, pain and blocks.
I also turned up the heat on the last shreds of Ms. Razor Tongue — it was pretty much gone by then, but I slipped occasionally. I hated that. How can you be a good coach and spend your mind cutting people down?
The upshot of all that inner work is that now I have sent so much love to the previously poor suffering un-worthy-feeling Self inside me that she no longer feels that way, or has any desire to cut anyone down.
She has become a magnificent sweet energy I can rely on to remind me to send love — always — at any time — to anyone and everyone.
So now I have a pretty solid habit of sending love. It makes my belly and my heart feel so good. I know now that I am worthy of love, as is every other being on the planet and in the entire cosmos.
So I say — no matter what, send love.
Because if it’s true that frequency is the key to this life, as Nicola Tesla and other smart people say, what can be higher than the frequency of love? What greater gift can you give anyone?
It’s so easy to send — love can go through walls! Love can speed over the phone, dart right through the internet, trip over the airwaves; it can slide through water, and dirt and clouds and mountains.
All you do is imagine a golden ball of light, fill it up with love — like you fill your car up with gas. Then tell it to go where ever or to whom ever you want it to go, and watch it woosh off. It’s that simple.
Even try sending it to people who seem to be the hardest, baddest, nastiest, evil-est, dirty-doings-est people. After all, they’re the ones who are the emptiest, the ones who need it the most!*
You will not even begin to believe how good you will feel after only a week of doing it.
So, instead of blurting out the hateful, hurtful, destructive thing you were just about to say, stop! Take a nano-second, breathe, and re-center on that flame of love that lives right in the middle of your belly.
Feel it. Allow its sweetness to fill you.
Before you utter a word to anyone.
Before that tendency to argue pops out.
Before that fist tightens and almost strikes.
Before the cop comes to your car window.
As your kid is yelling.
As your spouse complains about the horrid day they had.
ALL the time. Send love first.
Then you can talk.
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* Sending love to someone you feel is a hurtful person does in no way mean you need to be a doormat as they’re being mean. Doormatism is a no-no! If someone is being hurtful, if you can, get yourself away. You can send them the love they need as you disappear from sight! You do NOT have to deal with overpowering people like some saint with a magic wand!
I’ve been told this idea of sending love is Pollyanna-ing. Maybe, maybe not. I think it’s a lot better than sending hate.
Oh — I almost forgot — try doing it to people who tailgate you! You’ll be so surprised! And if you are so riled by the energy of the tailgating, ask god (or whoever is your version of that Big Thing is) to do it for you — it’s such fun!
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QUOTE of the DAY
“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.”
~ Erica Jong, Author
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Thanks for reading! I hope this inspires you to send love to as many people as you can. Our world right now is so upside down.
We all need love, even if it’s only a wee tiny wisp of a thought of it. That little wisp might-could save someone’s life.
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Send Love, No Matter What.
© Angela Treat Lyon 2022
Image: Hug and A Half
Original oils on canvas. (sold)
Prints available on metal, acrylic, paper or canvas. Just ask.
© Angela Treat Lyon 2002
instagram.com/angela.treat.lyon/
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