The 18 Summers List and Making Happy Childhood Memories
How can I make the most of the time I have with my children?
I became a parent in the final year of my pediatric residency with the birth of my son. When I first held him, I dreamt of all the things we would do, places we would see, and milestones we would celebrate.
Reality set in.
After residency training, I sought to build my medical career. I joined a hospital pediatrician group at a large academic medical center. My work schedule rotated through daytime and overnight hospital shifts and included holidays. Initially, it did not affect my family. My son was too young to realize my absence.
As he grew older, it became clear that my son and I did not have the relationship that I planned for that day in the hospital. My son favored his mother who spent most of the time with him. At my wife’s suggestion, I spent time alone with him by taking him to parks and museums. After one challenging daytrip, I remember opining to my wife that my son did not seem to like me or enjoy my company. I felt my absences played a part in my struggle to connect with my son. Yet, it also became evident that the times I spent with him also needed serious work.
A few years later, our family grew. My two daughters, now ages 5 and 2 years old, joined my son, now 8 years old. We moved back to my wife’s hometown of Houston, Texas. The proximity to family, friends, and the familiar environment provided stability. I took a new position with another pediatric group and found the schedule to be more family friendly. The increase in time allowed for more opportunities to be present with my children at home.
Soon my children engaged themselves in activities. My son joined cub scouts. My eldest daughter jumped into tumbling and dance. My youngest daughter, we enrolled in swimming. The flurry of activities keeps our home busy every week. My wife and I also volunteered our time at their elementary school. The busyness of the household began to overwhelm me. I again felt the pang of that long ago dream.
Conflict and a Realization
This past summer, my son and I flew to Orlando for our first father and son trip. We swam at Cocoa Beach, visited Universal Studios, and played pirate miniature golf.
Overall, it was a great trip but one that was not free from conflict. My son complained about the long lines at Universal Studios. The late afternoon Florida rains threatened our one and only theme park day. My patience worn thin. The day culminated in a verbal tirade to my son as we waited in line. It was not my proudest moment.
I salvaged the trip, but I knew that I had caused my son distress. On our flight home, he rested his head on my lap. As his long legs curled in the cramped seats, I realized that my baby boy was growing up.
In Ryan Holiday’s Daily Dad podcast, he shared a piece of wisdom that struck me.
If we are lucky, we, as parents, have 18 summers to spend with our children.
By my own children’s counts, I have 10, 13, and 16 summers left with each of them, in turn. How do I as a parent make the time that I have left with them more memorable? How can I learn to appreciate the good times and learn and teach patience with the hard times?
The 18 Summers List
As I reflected on my questions, I began to play around with the idea of the bucket list. Bucket lists are a popular method of writing your dreams on paper. These are goals that you compile of all the places and events you want to experience before you “kick the bucket.”
In my case, I wanted to compile a list of experiences I wanted to share with my children before they became adults.
The idea evolved to become the 18 Summers List.
There were no specific rules for our list except one: at least one of my children had to be present in the experience. Some of the items are not currently age appropriate, especially for my 2-year-old. Even so, I still hope that they can participate as they are able. Interests may also change, which may lead to additions or eliminations of items.
The listed items varied in both scope and complexity. Some are as simple as going fishing or volunteering at a homeless shelter. Others need more thoughtful planning such as trips or publishing a book. As my children and I grow through our list, I intend to chronicle our experiences and lessons learned. Some of the items, we have already checked off and am excited to share.
And most especially, I hope that our list becomes a memoir for our family. One that they can look back on when they grow up.
The 18 Summers List (in no particular order)
1) Swim with dolphins
2) Drive a convertible
3) Surfing lessons
4) Stay in a tree house
5) Go on a mountain hike
6) Run a race (5k/10k/half or full marathon)
7) Ride an elephant
8) Travel to New York City
9) Travel to Paris and see the Eiffel tower
10) Travel to London and see Buckingham Palace
11) Travel to Japan and eat sushi
12) Travel to the Philippines (my childhood home)
13) Scuba dive or snorkel in a coral reef
14) Drive a high-end sports car
15) Attend a World Cup Game
16) Attend a World Series Game
17) Attend an NBA Finals Game
18) Attend a Super Bowl
19) Meet one of your heroes
20) Go fishing
21) Go camping
22) See a Broadway play
23) Learn and perform a dance together in public
24) Publish a book with the children
25) Attend an Olympic ceremony
26) Volunteer at a homeless shelter
27) Go on a television gameshow
28) Attend a ballet
29) Fly a kite on a windy day
30) Ride a train on a long journey
31) Get a new pet
32) Father/Daughter Dance
33) Mother/Son Dance
34) Road Trip Route 66
35) See Niagara Falls
36) Go on a safari
37) See the pyramids in Egypt
38) Walk part of the Great Wall of China
39) Shake a U.S. president’s hand
40) Hike a volcano
41) Go skiing or snowboarding
42) See the Amazon
43) Go to Disney World
44) Fly in a hot air balloon
45) Ride a real rollercoaster
46) See the Grand Canyon
47) Be in two places at the same time
48) Do something you were afraid to do
49) Plant a tree
50) Do something good for someone else when they least expect it
