Why Validation
For most people, validation is like money; they don't know when to stop pursuing it. For a few others who don't care much about money, it is like alcohol; they, too, don't want to stop. The need for validation is rooted deep in our psyche. Whenever we do something, we want other people to tell us that we are doing the right thing, and if they don't agree with our actions, we get impatient and doubtful.
But why do we need validation? Why do we need others to tell us that we are right? It has to do with the ways we are brought up. When a young baby starts walking, his parents and Grandparents get excited and use encouraging words to tell the kid he is doing great; when he gets good grades in school, the teachers remark excellent on his report cards. When a kid starts playing sports, crowds cheer for the best players; when he gets into a job, there is an employee of the month contest and performance-based incentives. It also works the other way when we tell a child that poking his nose is not a good thing or not to laugh when mom burns the food in the oven. It continues throughout life, so the 'ideal behavior’ is reinforced through validation and is necessary to an extent.
But even as adults, we start seeking too much of it. We measure our self-worth with 'likes' or 'views' on social media. Our actions and plans are influenced by what others say about them, not by what we really like or want to do, which eventually turns our lives into regret and confusion. When someone asks why we won't do what we want to do, we blame it on our lifestyle, which is a form of 'Social Validation' in itself. Ask questions like, do we need to drive an expensive and large SUV (on loan) even when we think it is a hassle in city traffic?
Sometimes, we don't even ask people for their opinions, but we still get them. Such statements are like an appendix. You don't need it, but it is there and can mess you up. But the point is that just opinions should not define our decisions. We need to see things in a more objective manner that is based on rationality, not validation. As adults, most of us are capable of thinking, and we should trust it. For instance, top innovators like Tesla and Apple never look for validation; otherwise, they would be just another corporation.
But there are times when we really need help or more opinions. Then, it is better to go with experts or people with a proven track record in that area. There is no shame in asking for advice or help (unless you slipped while bathing and got fractured), but expecting others' approval in everything we do will take us nowhere. It will be somewhere, but you won’t reach the right destination, and eventually, when we die, we won't ask the question, am I dying the right way, guys?
PS: Although I am not seeking validation, feel free to clap if you like the article😊😊😊.
