What a Stuffed Blue Whale Taught Me About Appreciating Life’s Impermanence
Embracing the ephemeral
I’m a 33-year-old woman who sleeps with a stuffed blue whale.
I call it ‘Baleinha” (it means little whale in Brazilian Portuguese).
Years ago, my only company in the bed was depression and anxiety. My night routine consisted of something like this:
- Telling myself I hate myself with all my soul.
- Wishing I could sleep and never wake up again.
- Hating my life.
- Crying on my pillow.
- Almost suffocating because of anxiety.
The pain I carried within my heart was almost physical. I felt like a ghost who couldn’t rest in peace because they had unfinished business on Earth. I was in an uphill battle against myself, and nobody could save me.
One day, I went to my boyfriend’s house (we are not together anymore).
His bed’s headboard was adorned with a collection of plush toys (meticulously arranged by his mother, naturally). I loved cuddling with them because they were very cute.
Then, his mother gifted me with a stuffed blue whale. I was so happy I couldn’t let go of it.
But this story has a sad chapter: after a long and painful battle against cancer, my boyfriend’s mom passed away.
It’s hard to understand how a person who was always smiling and playing could lose her life because of this dreadful illness. I also lost my dad and grandma for the same reason. Cancer doesn’t choose race, color, or religion. It simply comes and slowly devours everything someone carries inside.
Nowadays, my blue whale is not just a way to remember a beautiful soul whose life was taken by a cruel sickness. It reminds me how important it is to cherish people we love while they’re still here. Life is too short to get lost in fights and complaints. The time we have is too limited to dwell in depression and anxiety. The nature of is impermanence. Let’s enjoy it while it lasts.
Over the years, my depression and anxiety decreased significantly. It took a lot of tears, journal therapy, and spiritual practices, but I can say I’m happy on my skin. I’m grateful my blue whale was with me during this process. It keeps being a great companion for good and bad moments. It keeps being my safe harbor when everything starts to crumble down. It’s the happy place I go to when things are fine.
Who knew a blue stuffed whale could mean so much to someone?
Do you have an object that means a lot to you? Tell me in the comments.
