What, to love, means?
I loved her so much. I always wished the best for her and for her loved ones. I adored her family only because they belonged to her. I would be excited to tell her about things that helped or benefitted me or that were fun only so that she can avail those advantages. I would feel extremely happy (like a child) whenever any good or the best happened to her and in her life.
She was one of my closest buddies.
I don’t know when and how, she came so close and became one of those people, who I care and cherish and who, I can go out of my way and comfort, for, if needed.
As time went by, she did things or behaved in a manner that let me down or hurt me.
It took me quite a while to realize a plain matter of fact that I was not important to her in the same way she had been to me. I understood I was just one of her those friends, who she preferred to hang out with and who could comfort her whenever she needed. And that was it.
I would feel heated at times, disgusted at other times in response to her conduct and gestures that every time, only shouted out loud at me, that she is selfish.
But better late than never, at least, I understood the reality.
I decided inside my head that I didn’t want such a friend who is toxic, who causes pain and bad emotions. I kept telling myself — yes, I don’t need such friends who do not value my relationship with them and are self-seeking.
I thought I don’t like this girl anymore and that I had moved on.
But, I, as well, continued to end up failing to say ‘No’ to her — whether it was her proposal to hang out at some spot or to have a casual meet-up at home or her choice of a movie. I felt so weak and low. And I hated me for that.
I tried to figure out what was it? Despite all that she is with me, why I cannot decline her suggestions or why do I still, secretly have a soft corner for her? I realized that is just how I am. Once I have loved someone from my heart, I don’t tend to wipe them out from there notwithstanding the betrayal or hurt they may have caused and the care and concern for them continue to hang on there.
I learned to embrace this quality of mine rather than scorning it. I comprehended to respect that little corner I have for her in my heart yet maintaining the adequate distance from and boundaries with her, not letting my SELF get harmed or influenced in any manner, by her gestures or words of mouth. And I feel free and happy.
I know now that it was just me who fell in love with her and made her an important person. She never felt about me identically — ever, from the beginning.
If you ask me now if she is wrong? I say no. She just does not feel for me that way naturally. Love is a natural emotion. I cannot expect her to make herself like me more than she can only because I like her more. She is what she is. She is inconsiderate and selfish with me often but then she never promised me to be my best buddy. She never asked me to make her overly special. It was my own free will choice.
So, did I do wrong? No. My feelings are natural too. And they are right.
Loving someone even though they do not reciprocate the same emotions for you cannot be wrong. Because to love is a kind act. And at the same time, you cannot make or force someone to like you, back. It does not work that way.
BUT, we must not forget our own SELF. Loving someone does not require keeping our SELF below them. We DON’T HAVE TO let anybody cause hurt or suffering to US no matter how dear they are to us. And how do you do that?
- By not expecting the same love and adoration from them in return that you have for them. Because harboring hope and expectation that the person you like would and must care about you too, is nothing but exposing yourself to heartbreaks and agony. Because it is you, who would suffer from the hurt and negative emotions when your hope and expectation fail.
- At the same time, setting clear boundaries within the relations with all the people you care for, to not allow them to cross them to take advantage of you or take you for granted.
So, yes, you can love them, always wish for their bliss and success, care for them, and support them when they need but without ever compromising yourself, (ever) accepting anything against your self-respect, values, interests, and preferences, and (ever) letting them to wrong you and yourself to be the victim.
