The Writer’s Way
I Kept My Writing a Secret for Years
Finding the Courage to Talk About My Passion
I’ve always been the artsy type. My relatives and my friends knew me as a painter. I had years to hone my craft. I sold some pieces, had some things in cafés, and would tell them about what I was working on. I competed in an art competition, and even painted in front of an audience on multiple occasions.
I didn’t tell them about my writing, though.
I started writing at seventeen years old (but I was journaling well before that). I began pantsing a novel before I knew what the term pantsing was (if you don’t know, it’s making things up as you go — writing by ‘the seat of your pants,’ so to speak). I even wrote poetry — I have an entire box full of folded pieces of paper with poems scrawled by hand (all of them were dark and angsty and coated in self-loathing, by the way), and all the while I was doing this, the only one I mentioned it to in passing was my mother, and later, my husband. I didn’t have confidence as a writer, but what’s more than that — I was ashamed. Embarrassed.
Whenever I was tempted to reveal I was a writer, Brian Griffin from Family Guy came to mind. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Brian is a dog — but that part doesn’t matter — Brian is a writer. And you know how you know Brian is a writer? He is always going out of his way to mention it in the most obnoxious way possible. Brian has an ego. He thinks being a writer makes him this big deal but in reality, in many ways, he is a creep (still love him, though). He will find a way to mention that he is a writer in circumstances that don’t call for it. “Since I’m a writer…” Something like that — in a puffed-up, entitled sort of voice. I laughed — but I also cringed or got secondhand embarrassment. I did not want to be like Brian Griffin! I did not want to walk around with a puffed-out chest thinking I was better than I was because I got the notion to put words to paper.
What’s more — my husband was already known as the wordsmith — not me. Everyone knew him as the writer. He was on Medium for over a year. His poem was published in a magazine. He spoke freely of his passion for writing — meanwhile, I was working on my debut novel at home for hours on end every single day, but when people turned to me and asked in the same breath, “And what about you? What have you been up to?” I would not so much as mention my book — even though that had taken up much more of my time than the hike I would end up telling them about instead. I knew if they asked about my book then there would probably be a follow-up question, and that might mean I would have to tell them what it was about — on the fly — which was my nightmare — especially in the days before I had my elevator pitch finished. Even with that done, some days it’s still hard to articulate it when put on the spot. Also, I wrote paranormal romance. I didn’t want people to judge me for my love of the genre. People didn’t even know I read it, let alone that I wrote it.
But then after a while, my love for the craft and the genre became too big to ignore.
You can only have so many skeletons in your closet before it bursts open. Maybe I am being a touch dramatic in using the term skeletons, but you get the idea. This was especially true for someone like me, who tends to get hyper-focused. I think, live, breathe writing. Eventually, my secret was bound to come out — especially when my novel got published.
I had to learn to take myself somewhat seriously.
There was a clear confidence issue. I had this feeling, like when I told someone I was a writer, and went into detail about what exactly I was writing, that they would laugh — especially my coworkers. And some did kind of smirk and think it was a joke until they saw my face and said, “Oh, you’re serious.” But after I told a couple of people, it got easier.
I told myself I would not go on and on about it, though. Not unless they asked and seemed genuinely interested in the fact — because once you got me started on the subject (no longer constrained by fear) it could easily open the floodgates into a monologue of me telling you more than you ever wanted to know. Not an elegant pitch — an ADHD tangent of intricate plotlines, my brainstorming process, how I came to create a specific character, and who that other one is based on, and God only knows what else. I would not become Brian Griffin!
The more I told people about my passion, the easier it got.
The less taboo it felt. Slowly, I felt myself relaxing into this new version of me. I got a TikTok account — being on camera is something I thought I would never do — and started to talk about my journey because it turns out that if I did want to go on a tangent, there was an audience for that. The Booktok, Authortok, and Writertok community found me. Embraced me. Many others struggled with the same issues I had. Not feeling like a ‘real writer.’ Not wanting to tell people or show people their work out of fear of rejection. It’s a little funny, isn’t it? How we can love to do something so much yet be scared to talk about it?
Writing is like putting a bit of your soul into words and then letting the world glean it. It is a vulnerable thing. It’s as much of an art form as my painting was and it was worth that same kind of acknowledgement. I am a painter, but that’s not all I am. I was putting myself in a box. Being a writer is part of who I am, too. We are complex beings. We are many things. We are ever-evolving. It’s beautiful and brilliant.
I was projecting my fears onto others.
Just because I thought people would judge me or think I was pretentious didn’t mean they would. Most were genuinely curious, and many were impressed with the fact that I was pursuing my dream — because in the end, when you strip everything else away, that is what it was. Writing is my passion. I would do it even if I was the only person on the planet, with no audience to read any of it. I would do it because it makes my soul sing with happiness. So I told myself I should not be afraid to reveal that part of myself to my friends and my family if the topic arose— because it’s a big part of my life. Real members of my tribe will love and accept me for me.
So now when people ask about what I do outside of work — when they ask about my hobbies or my passions — I tell them simply, “I’m a writer.” When they ask what I write, I tell them, “I write Paranormal Romance and Fantasy. I also write poetry, and articles on Medium.” And if they still want to know more (bless their hearts), I might send them a thing or two.
I like what I like and I have this passion for a reason.
It may seem obvious but I like to remind myself that not everyone is a writer. You would be surprised at how many people think it’s amazing that you write. Being a writer requires a certain level of zeal and commitment. Many times, it means being self-motivated and holding yourself personally accountable to show up. No one is going to sit there and make you write. You have to want it. That’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
Everyone on Medium has a unique writing journey. I’d like to know about yours, so please, tell me, have you ever kept the fact that you write a secret from friends, co-workers or family? Why or why not? What kind of topics do you like to write about? How long have you been writing?
Thank you so, so much for taking time to read my article. I hope you enjoyed it! I am fairly new to Medium — your support means a lot and I like to share the love.♡
