“Helping others is honorable. But your resources are limited. You only have so much time, money, and attention at your disposal.”
― Damon Zahariades, The Art Of Saying NO
How often do you find yourself over-scheduled and running late on tasks yet still feel guilty about turning down others’ requests?
More often than not, I feel overwhelmed by a packed schedule but still feel obliged to say yes. Rejecting them would make me a bad person, right? What if they think I’m rude? What if they really need my help? But I’ve barely got time to finish mine! Internal monologues like these confuse me more and guilt trips me into saying yes.
This stems from the “good kid” mindset ingrained in me since childhood, which emphasizes helping others. However, I’ve found this habit to be self-destructive. Prioritizing others’ needs over my own isn’t just unhelpful — it’s detrimental to my mental peace and the quality of my work. Other than the feel-good factor, it was doing me no good. I had to unlearn the habit of saying YES. I had to be okay with being the villain. I had to understand that saying no and prioritizing myself over others is a form of self-love and self-respect.
When to Say No:
- If You Feel Like You’re Being Used: Recognize when someone is taking advantage of your kindness. Consistently being the go-to person for help, without reciprocation, is a sign that your generosity is being exploited. Set boundaries to prevent being taken for granted.
- If You Feel Pressured or Guilt-Tripped into Saying Yes: Differentiate between genuine requests for help and manipulative tactics. Stand firm in your decision to protect your emotional well-being.
- If the Request Doesn’t Fit Your Time Frame: Respect your schedule to meet your obligations and take care of yourself.
- If You Don’t Feel Comfortable with the Request: Trust your instincts. Your comfort and sense of security should always come first.
- If the Request Crosses Your Personal Boundaries: Preserve your well-being and self-respect by saying no to requests that infringe on your boundaries.
- Simply Because You Don’t Want to Do It: Sometimes, not wanting to do something is reason enough. Honoring your own preferences and desires is a vital aspect of self-care.
- If the Request Demands More Than What You’re Willing to Do: Assess the scope of the request. Decline if it requires more time, effort, or resources than you can comfortably provide.
Why You Should Say No:
- Gives You Control Over Your Life and Decisions: Reinforces your autonomy and empowers you to live according to your own values and priorities.
- Saves Energy and Avoids Burnout: Protects your mental and physical well-being, allowing you to engage in activities with full energy and enthusiasm.
- Prevents Constant Expectations from Others: Sets clear expectations and boundaries, ensuring that others respect your time and efforts.
- Setting Boundaries is a Form of Self-Love and Self-Respect: Demonstrates that you value yourself and your time, ensuring sustainable and healthy interactions.
- Allows for Occasional Help on Your Terms: Ensures that your assistance is voluntary and not an obligation, maintaining a positive attitude towards helping.
- Frees Up Time for Self-Improvement and Relaxation: Provides the opportunity to focus on personal growth, hobbies, and relaxation.
- Establishes That You Are Not Always Available: Communicates that you are not perpetually available, preventing others from taking advantage of your time and generosity.
Polite ways to say no :
- I’m afraid I can’t help you with that
- I’ve got my schedule packed as of now. I’d be happy to assist u later
- I don’t think I’m the right fit for this
- Unfortunately, it doesn’t align with my values
- Thanks but I’ll pass
- I have to respectfully decline.
- No, but let me know if there’s something else I can help you with
- I’m afraid, that won’t be possible at the moment.
Remember, saying no is not a bad thing. It’s an essential skill for maintaining your well-being and autonomy. Don’t be afraid to say no multiple times until your message is clear. Make sure it’s a definitive no, not a maybe. Cheers to unlearning the habit of saying yes and embracing the power of no!
