Writer’s Journal
Why Do I Feel Afraid Of Success?
My thoughts on the true meaning of success
SUCCESS — This word has been haunting me for a while. Even thinking about it, gives me butterflies.
What does success mean to me? Where do I stand in the race for success? Am I behind everyone (or at least my peers)?
Do I just want endlessly more money? Am I after meaningless positions and job titles? Will acquiring them make me successful? How do I know when to stop? What is the last station on this ride? What would happen when I become ‘successful’? Will I be lonely at the top? Who decided on this arbitrary definition?
What if I don’t want to run after the societal definition of success? Would I become a failure in life? Would it bring shame and disappointment to my family, who’ve always been proud of my academic achievements? Why do I have to carry my family’s burdens? What is this compulsion to maintain that decade-long ‘bookish’ reputation? It has no right to be my bondage.
Business moguls call it essential, as if my life would be meaningless without it. But is it really true?
I want to have novel, exciting experiences and learnings. Living the same day on repeat for 80 years is boring to me. Of course, too much ‘newness’ can be overstimulating and exhausting given my introversion. The key is to strike the perfect balance.
I fear if I’ll ever be successful in any one field. I don’t wanna be put in a box. I REFUSE to be put in a box.
The moment you understand that life is not a chase, shouldn’t that be a success? Life is a success when you feel liberated from the need to chase and compare. It should be successful when I feel at peace with simple pleasures which could be termed as boring — like waking up early, taking strolls in the park under the morning sunshine, time spent with friends. Life should be a success when I feel grateful to be able to live yet another day. It should be the ability to ignore the noises constantly comparing my life with others and whispering ‘failure’ into my ears if I don’t follow the rat race.
I’m not saying I’m there yet. I’m not even at the 1/10th mark of the journey. But am I wrong to question it all?
Do you feel the same way? How do you define success? Let me know below.
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