#017 Make It Okay To Not Be Okay
Humans are complex and emotional beings. It’s time to stop pretending that we’re not.
Since starting this blog, I’ve written a post once a week, usually on a Monday afternoon.
Last week, I didn’t. Because last week was a bad week. Melbourne had just been put under a further six-weeks of lockdown, with further restrictive rules put in place to tackle an ever-increasing rate of new cases.
It was a tough time for many as we tried to grapple with our new normal.
So I didn’t write.
Instead, and this pains me to admit because this is not my usual way of being, I looked after my house-plants, I went for a walk, and then I watched Netflix under a blanket for a solid five hours.
That was exactly what I needed in that moment and I was able to give into those needs because the goals and deadlines I set for myself are exactly that: self-imposed. I knew that, in all likeliness, no one would miss one post, for one week.
It’s funny how often (outside of healthcare) this holds true for other work in most industries too.
So what’s the big idea?
One silver lining I’ve noticed in the experience of living through a pandemic is that we’re now having more regular and honest chats about our mental and emotional states: with our friends, with our families, with our co-workers.
While mental health has increasingly been making its way from taboo to supported in the workplace, it feels like this pandemic has really given it the push it needed.
From little check-ins with groups, to more one-to-one chats and messages of support, people are becoming more comfortable tuning into, sharing and listening to feelings in the workplace.
And this is great. Really, it’s great.
But there’s another step that’s required in making it okay to not be okay: along with the safety and space to voice feelings, you need to give people permission and space to act on those feelings.
There’s little point in people voicing their feelings if nothing changes as a result — if they’re expected to keep performing at a certain level when the conditions have changed.
Getting Started
It’s easy said, but how do you actually give people permission to step away from their work? Here are a few ideas we’ve seen in action to give people the permission needed to take time out for mental health:
- Have leaders set a good example, in talking about and taking time out for mental health
- Explicitly mention mental health days in your leave policies
- Take out the need for a medical certificate or specific reason when people are taking leave — as much as normalising talk about mental wellbeing in the workplace is good, it can be stressful asking people to justify or rationalise their limits to others
In terms of giving people the space required, you could:
- Interrogate your deadlines and create room for them to move
- Checkin with what is on people’s plates, what’s causing them worry and how you can support their work (also helps support the next point)
- Within small teams, get familiar with the work of your colleagues and vice versa, so that if someone needs to jump into fill a gap, they can. Holding knowledge means that the ability to perform a task stays with that person, and that responsibility can make it impossible to step away
Creating space means letting people step away from their roles for a period of time, by giving them the assurance that nothing will fall over while they’re gone.
This could be unpicking the reasons behind a deadline and moving it (“this can wait” is a powerful thing to be able to say), or reassuring the person that, while they’re a valuable member of your team with unique skills, the team will be able to manage their absence.
It won’t happen overnight, but letting people be true to their emotional selves and needs is such a powerful step in creating resilient teams and organisations.
Conversation Starters
If you need some ways to open this conversation with peers, seniors or even your own internal dialogue, here are some things you could ask:
- How do we support the sharing of skills, processes and priorities within our teams?
- How do we decide on our deadlines? Are these usually fixed by outside needs or our own goals?
- In what ways do we encourage and make space for conversations about mental health in the workplace?
- In what ways do we encourage and normalise down-time from work?
Going Further
I don’t want to offer a further step here, because I think there’s a long way to go still in just getting to this baseline — of truly giving permission and space.
I would, however, love to share further examples or actions people can take to enable this kind of culture shift, as the examples I’ve shared are through my own lived experience only. Reach out if you have any suggestions and I’ll keep this post updated, with acknowledgement.
P.S. While looking for a banner image for this week’s post, I stumbled upon this adorable poster by the United Nations with Things To Do To Avoid The Blues. If you’re in need of some time out but don’t know exactly what you need right now, maybe one of these ideas will inspire you.
