Let’s Go For A Spin — Making Lies Seem Like Truth & Truth Seem Like Lies
The key is knowing when to claim that you know things you don’t know and don’t know things that you do know
By David Grace (www.DavidGraceAuthor.com)
[Hey! This Column is fiction. It’s all made up.]
Kayleigh McEnany is The Donald’s fourth Press Secretary in 39 months, which means that, on average, they last only about a year.
It occurs to me that being the Press Secretary for a guy like Donald Trump is probably a really difficult job. All those crazy tweets, the lies, the nonsense. [How big a megalomaniac do you have to be to call yourself a “stable genius” when you’re neither stable nor a genius?]
It’s got to be a challenge to just try to cover for him, leastwise to make him actually look good.
Which led me to thinking about the Press Secretaries for other difficult historical figures. What would it have been like if Kayleigh McEnany had gone back in time and signed on as Adolph Hitler’s Press Secretary?
— — —
Press Office, New Reich Chancellery, Voss Strasse, BERLIN, Spring, 1940
Frau Kayleigh McEnany enters a room filled with international reporters and takes her place behind a podium fronted with a shield-shaped emblem embossed with a standing black eagle against an orange background.
The reporters raise their hands and shout for attention. Frau McEnany points to one and the man stands.
“My paper continues to receive reports that thousands of Jews have been transported to a so-called concentration camp near Munich. Is this true?”
“This is another lie perpetrated by the communist press. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The Fuehrer loves Jewish people.”
“You, sir, in–”
“But there is a prison camp near Munich, isn’t there, in Dachau?”
“Again, another instance of fake news. There is a facility in that region where serious criminals are imprisoned, but its exact location is, of course, confidential information.”
“Frau McEnany!”
“Frau McEnany!”
“Frau McEnany!”
“Yes, the gentleman in the gray suit.”
“It’s been over six months since the German army invaded Poland. How long–”
“It’s a terrible lie to say that the German army invaded Poland. The Polish army invaded the Fatherland and it was only in self-defense that German troops reluctantly responded and crossed into Polish territory in order to neutralize the threat.”
“How long will the German army remain in Poland?”
“As long as necessary to end the threat posed to Germany by Poland. . . . You there, in the red tie.”
“We’ve heard reports that Germany is mobilizing its army near the French border. Why is that?”
“That is merely a readiness exercise which has been planned for months.”
“So, that’s not in preparation for an invasion of France?”
“What a ridiculous idea.”
“Frau McEnany, my sources insist–”
“Your sources, as you call them, are clearly people who have a vicious and irrational hatred for the German people and are spreading terrible lies about us. . . . The gentleman in the blue suit.”
“I understand that Chancellor Hitler is going to meet with Benito Mussolini to arrange a German-Italian military alliance. When is that meeting planned and what topics will be discussed?”
“The Fuerher often meets with world leaders to discuss important international issues. The Chancellor may meet with the Italian Prime Minister at some point. If and when such a meeting occurs, the press will be duly informed. . . Last question. You sir, in the third row.”
“Early last year, Mr. Hitler talked about the annihilation of the Jewish Race in Europe if there is another war. In the event that Germany does invade France, will the German government proceed with a plan to kill all the Jews in Europe?”
“How dare you insult the German people with such a horrible and unfounded accusation. Any talk about the annihilation of the Jewish Race is based on remarks taken out of context and deliberately twisted to slander out great leader.
“The notion that the German people would establish a program of mass murder is another example of rabid anti-German sentiment behind a flood of fake news.
“This briefing is over. You are now free to go home and invent more anti-German lies for the benefit of the communists who hate the German nation and the German people.”
— — —
You know, on second thought, after all the on-the-job training she’s received as Donald Trump’s spin deliverer, I think Ms. McEnany probably would have done a crackerjack job covering up, twisting facts, spinning reality, and misleading the public for somebody like Adolph Hitler.
I guess it’s a talent you’re either born with or you’re not.
Too bad the election is only a few months away. I don’t think she’s going to make the average Trump Press Secretary job duration of thirteen months. But then again, there is no shortage of lying, deceitful, dishonest, greedy, demagogic, narcissistic, megalomaniac politicians who need someone to help them cover up their lies, incompetence and misdeeds.
I’m sure she’ll be able to find another job with one of them in no time at all.
— David Grace (www.DavidGraceAuthor.com)
