A love letter from a friendzoned guy

A very serious matter. But purely for fun. A pun. Comic relief.

I am in love. Finally. But I never thought I would be. I confess. But I know — I won’t be able to disclose it to her. So I write it. A love letter.
And I ask you — Would I be successful? Would it relay what is in my heart? Tell me honestly. Will I get back the love I deserve?
But a warning: Don’t break my heart by saying that I won’t. Because I am already aware of that. And don’t cry after reading this letter. That might increase my apathy.
Following is the letter I thought I would email her.
But first, a few disclaimers, as usual-

1. The following is one long-suppressed whine. So read it.
2. I am out of my mind when I write this.
3. All those girls who read ‘this’ and hope that they are ‘the one’; please don’t think that ‘this’ is the actual one. Ping me and I will send you the actual one.
4. All those boys who think I am gay and would rush to open up their mailboxes please don’t stop. You may be the lucky one. Hehe.
5. Despite all this, I am still single and any girl or boy who thinks they can help me forget my love should stop doing it. Because I am in deep love and would kill you rather than kill myself and die as single.
6. Please read it…