Active Listening Can Save the World

Much has been said about how divided our world is today. We see divisions based on political party, race, ideology, sexual orientation, faith, etc. If you were to turn on any of the cable news channels you would receive a steady diet of how they are right, and the other channel is wrong. I can’t speak for any of you, but I am tired of hearing everyone shouts at each other. It is wearisome, ineffective, and harmful to the fabric of our society. The question on most of our minds is often, “How did we get here?” We aren’t going to answer that today. Depending on the issue, how we got here can potentially be traced back hundreds of years. What we ARE going to talk about, is one step toward a solution. And that step is listening. Most of us are terrible listeners. We don’t listen, we wait for the other person to shut up so we can talk. That is waiting to talk, not listening. Listening is taking the time to hear what the other person is saying, processing and clarifying it, and then considering it before we offer a response. The best way to achieve this is through a process called active listening. And today we are going to look at the characteristics of active listening. So, let’s talk (I mean listen)!

What is active listening?

Simply put, active listening is a series of actions we can take to remain engaged with our conversational partner. They are actions that allow us to ensure we are listening, hearing, and comprehending what our conversation partners are saying and gives them the opportunity to correct any misunderstandings before they blow up into an issue. Depending on who you listen to, there are anywhere from 5–7 actions that contribute to active listening. We are going to take a look at them.

Pay Attention to the Speaker

This may seem rather obvious but paying attention to the person who is speaking is an integral part of active listening. Generally speaking, we are not great at this here in America. We often allow ourselves to be distracted during a conversation by our phones, another conversation we are trying to listen in on, or some other activity. In order to really listen to one another we need to eliminate those distractions and focus on the speaker. Steps such as making appropriate eye contact, reading the speaker’s body language, and maintaining our own body language appropriately are all a part of this. The final key action to take here is to not begin arranging your reply while they are speaking. Wait until they are done before formulating a reply, even if this creates some silence. It will allow us to listen to one another rather than just thinking of our own response.

Provide Feedback

Providing feedback is a part of how we respond to one another in conversation but it is also a little deeper than just a response. Providing feedback involves reflection, asking questions, and summarization. Once we have fully listened to what the other person is saying, we can respond with, “So what I am hearing you say is…” This allows the other person to know we have listened to them and are able to reflect back what we have heard. It also allows them to correct any inaccurate perceptions we may have. Another great option is to ask clarifying questions about what they have to said. Something along the lines of, “What do you mean when you say…?” Finally, summarize what you’ve heard every so often. This allows both of you to stay on track with the conversational topic at hand and ensures you remain on the same page.

A Neutral & Non-judgmental Attitude

A number of years ago, I was working for a large mental health organization and taught a crisis de-escalation class to the other employees. The premise of the class was to teach how to identify a crisis before it happened and de-escalate it. Active listening was one of the main tools I taught. And when I taught it, I HEAVILY emphasized the importance of a non-judgmental approach. This is true in our day to day lives as well. We must enter into conversations with an open mind and without judgment of what the other person thinks, feels, or says. There are obvious exceptions to this, such as, a person who is attempting to harm you or someone else or is disparaging a group of people with racist or sexist remarks. Outside of those circumstances, we must give others the benefit of the doubt with a non-judgmental approach. We are here to listen, not to judge.

A Patient Comfort with Silence

Silence is a part of listening. And it is a part that most Americans are uncomfortable with. You can’t listen if you’re talking so your own silence is a vital part of your ability to listen. In addition to that, silence after hearing what the speaker has said is what gives us an opportunity to process what we’ve heard and formulate an appropriate response. However, silence is something that rarely happens in conversations. And that lack of silence is because we are all just waiting to pounce on each other with the next thing we want to say. Let’s encourage one another to take a breath in our conversations. Let’s take a moment and compose ourselves before we respond. This will also let us rethink some of what we are choosing to say, which will likely turn down the fire of conflict a bit.

​This is not an authoritative post on everything involved in active listening. However, I am hoping that it gives all of us a starting point to begin listening to one another more effectively. We are inevitably going to have differences with one another on all manner of topics. That is the nature of human existence, and it is often very healthy. In the midst of those differences, we need to make sure we can have conversations with one another that are helpful and productive. Conversations that move us toward a better understanding of one another’s viewpoints so that we can begin moving past the division we see around us so often.