I’m Not Ok
Writing through a PTSD & depression flair-up
“It’s a war within yourself that never goes away.” — unknown
I’m not ok.
I haven’t been ok for a while now. In truth, it’s been getting steadily worse.
I think it all started when my body over-reacted to getting the first Covid vaccine shot back in mid-March. My system reacted as though it had been exposed to gluten for nearly four weeks. That means four weeks of extra fatigue, pain, and best-of-all, endless diarrhea — yep, multiple times a day for over 22 days.
It wasn’t fun.
My gut is slowly healing up (again) and my second shot didn’t start the reaction over so I’m grateful for that. But, my PTSD and depression have both been in an upswing since then with no relief in sight. When they say brain health begins in the gut I am here to tell you that is the absolute truth.
Ugh.
This has impacted every aspect of my life. Yesterday was the worst day of this flair-up yet. I know this because when I couldn’t hold back the verbal self-bashing and couldn’t find a smile for anything, I saw it in my husband’s eyes. It was a bit of a wake-up call for me — to see him afraid for my safety and well-being again. It tore me up out of my self-centered misery long enough to realize my flair up was harming him.
