How do I write a memoir?
Where do I start?
Everyone has a story to tell. You have a story to tell. It’s an important story. But the way that you tell it will affect its impact, whether it is written or spoken. A memoir is a story from your life; an autobiography is a story of your life. Memoirs can be short in length or as long as a novel. Here are a few thoughts and tips to get you started in writing a memoir.
- Focus on a particular time or season in your life.
The time or season that you choose should be the one in which you have experienced the greatest conflict, emotion and growth. If you write about every season in your life, your story will ramble and lack focus. If, for example, you decide to write about your high school years, any anecdotes from your childhood and adulthood should function as the supporting structure for the story. Only include details that are relevant to the main story. When I was writing Fingerprints of Grace, I intentionally left out, or brushed over, large chunks of time. The main focus was our journey with Hannah, and anything else needed to pass through a filter of relevance. I included my childhood friendship with the girl next door, because her move overseas was my first significant experience of loss, a central theme in the story. I left out the story about breaking my front tooth in the swimming pool because it’s not relevant to the story. Hemingway said, ‘The best stories have the most left out.’ Choose a significant season in your life, make that your focus and keep all other details subservient to it.
2. ‘Memoir is fiction about your own past’ (John DuFresne, The lie that tells the truth)
Earlier this year, I was summoned as a witness to a trial. I recited an affirmation to tell, ‘the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.’ While this is necessary in a court of law, it is not necessary in writing a memoir. The essence of what John DuFresne is saying is that we record the truth as we see it, and only those parts of the truth that fit the story. Everything in Fingerprints of Grace is true and nothing but the truth, but it is not the whole truth. It is my perspective on a series of events that happened in 2011–2014. If another family member were to record the story, it would be quite different. He or she would include observations I overlooked and emotions that were differed from mine. Be faithful to events and what people said, but recognise that truth is wider than facts. Your experience of, and response to, the events of your life, is also truth. It is this aspect of truth that will resonate with the reader long after they forget the details of what happened.
3. Write as if you were directing a movie.
Movies present a story in scenes. The opening scenes need sufficient interest to engage the viewer and the conflict needs to build throughout the story to a climax, fading in the final few minutes to resolution. Think of your memoir in that way. Introduce the characters and advance the story within scenes and sprinkle the narrative between them to show changes in time, describe settings and include back story. None of us have a verbatim copy of of conversations but dialogue in the scenes should reflect the essence of what was said. Remember to show pages with dialogue to relevant family members and friends before you publish. They may have a different take on what happened.
4. Look for overarching themes and recurring images
When you first start writing your story, begin where you feel most inspired to begin, and write what you want to write. This may be at the beginning, the middle or the end. As you accumulate scenes and pages, look for patterns. These will help you to tie your story together. Are there objects, people, places or themes that reappear throughout the story? Eagles, fingerprints, prayer, freedom and grace are recurring images and themes in Fingerprints of Grace. In addition, look for patterns in behaviour in your main character. All of us have at least one area in which we need to grow. The internal journey of the main character (that’s you!) gives depth to a memoir.
Fingerprints of Grace is available from www.koorong.com.au and www.salvationarmy.org.au/supplies
