The costs and rewards of integrity
Last week I travelled to Adelaide for a writing workshop. When the workshop was finished, I stopped at a petrol station. When I replaced the nozzle in the bowser, I realised I had chosen Premium Unleaded. Disappointed by my inattention, I went to pay.
The man behind the counter smiled. ‘Thirty dollars.’
As I walked to the car, I felt uneasy. Though my glance at the bowser had been brief, I was sure the second digit was not a zero. I checked the screen; $37.50. I was running late for my next appointment and it was tempting to leave. After all, the mistake was not mine. The lower price was also commensurate with the cost of my intended choice: Regular Unleaded. Yet I knew my conscience would trouble me on the journey home if I left the difference unpaid.
There are costs and rewards to living with integrity. Choosing the path of integrity may result in loss of money, time or success. The rewards of choosing integrity include peace of mind, freedom from guilt and authenticity. For me those rewards are more valuable than loss. If I claim to follow the most authentic person to walk the earth, Jesus Christ, then integrity is non-negotiable. I returned to the counter and paid the extra. Whether someone else would have left without paying, and a clear conscience, is not my concern. I am called to lived an authentic, not a judgemental life.
Questions of integrity can arise from every aspect of life. Keeping our word, respecting confidentiality, and avoiding breach of copyright are aspects of integrity we face, and perhaps break, on a regular basis. Integrity also relates to writing. Each author will have a different perspective on what is acceptable to their own conscience. Integrity cuts deeper than subject matter. I choose not to write horror stories but the main reason for my choice is not faith, but lack of interest in the genre.
Integrity also relates to the quality of our writing and the worldview that we express. Does our writing reflect a commitment to excellence? Does it flow from our heart as well as our mind? Tolstoy said, ‘One ought only to write when one leaves a piece of one’s flesh in the inkpot each time one dips one’s pen.’ Though the quote refers to writing from our wounds and experience, I think the same applies to integrity. What we write is the outward flow of our heart. This doesn’t mean that our characters share our beliefs or values. It means that the overarching themes of our work are in harmony with our beliefs and values. Integrity may cost us, but it has its own rewards.
