7 Ways to Know if You Need New Friends
by Pastor Ryan Rodeman
When it comes to following Jesus and interacting with the people around us, we definitely want to show love to everyone. Because of that, it almost feels wrong to limit our interaction with people who may not be good for us. Sometimes, as a result of the friendships we’ve built, we find ourselves in situations where we are being influenced toward decisions that we don’t actually want to make.
That’s why it’s actually good to be selective when it comes to choosing close friends, people who will have a strong influence in our lives.
So how do we know if the friends we have are the friends that we should have? How can we tell if it’s time to find new friends? It’s not that we want to dump our friends or anything, but at what point do we admit that the friendship is actually damaging to us, and we need to reassess?
Here are a few statements that we can use as a barometer for our friendships. If these statement are true of our current friends, it’s probably time to find some new ones…
1. THEY CAN’T KEEP YOUR SECRETS
“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13
Friends have to be trustworthy. We all have parts of our lives that we don’t want to share with the entire world. Friends are the people that we share those parts with. If our friends habitually can’t be trusted to keep a confidence or secret that we’ve shared with them, then that’s a problem.
2. THEY CAN’T CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES
Friends have to want our best. If our relationships are consistently plagued by jealousy & comparing, then that means they don’t genuinely want what’s best for us. This jealousy and comparison can show up in regards to marital status, career advancement, spiritual growth, personal relationships, and really any other arena of life. If when you succeed the only responses you get back are loaded with jealousy, you might need to find a new friend.
3. THEY CAN’T BE COUNTED ON
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin.” Proverbs 18:24a
Everyone needs a friend. But if there is a pattern of our friends backing out, falling through or just generally not able to be counted on, then our friends aren’t very good ones. A reliable friend is priceless.
4. THEY ARE ALWAYS BLOWING UP
“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered…” Proverbs 22:24
If there is a friend in our lives that is losing it on a regular basis, specifically with anger, then that is a dangerous situation. It is only a matter of time before that friend’s loss of control is going to spill over into our lives and damage us or our other relationships. Unmanageable anger is a scary thing, and it’s important to take note of it when early signs start to show.
5. THEY NEVER TRY TO STOP YOU FROM DOING SOMETHING THAT WILL HURT YOU
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6
Friends are supposed to help us not do really stupid things. If our friends allow us to move towards harmful or unwise decisions without even trying to intervene, then that friend is not much of a friend. Friends will go to great lengths to see their friends avoid harm and destructive decisions.
6. THEY HAVE A HABIT OF MAKING REALLY BAD DECISIONS
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for acompanion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20
Of course, it’s also possible that our friends themselves don’t make good decisions. The problem with this is a lack of wisdom. When our friends don’t have wisdom not only do we miss out on the wisdom that they could have offered us, but we also start to become influenced by their foolishness.
7. THEY MOCK WHAT YOU VALUE MOST
“How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge.” Proverbs 1:22
This one might be the most important. If our friends don’t show respect for our top priorities in life, then they are actually disrespecting us. Friends certainly don’t have to agree with each other; they can actually disagree with each other very strongly. But they do need to respect each other and the values that they stand for.
