How To Make Time For Friends When Life Gets Busy
by Pastor Ryan Rodeman
LIFE WITH FRIENDS
Back in my college days, friendships just happened. Road trips. Dorm rooms. Regular trips to the gym. Cram sessions. There was just A LOT of hang-out time. Friends seemed to spring up left and right.
Fast-forward 10 years.
My wife and I had three kids in four years, and I was in the middle of finishing my degree. We were buying a house and renting out another one. On top of all that I was in the thick of my role as an associate pastor at Grace Church, Bath Campus.
As my life got more complicated I began living by my calendar. I scheduled in time with family, work, friends — everything. It was hard to find time for important stuff like eating and sleeping, let alone hangout time.
TAMING THE CALENDAR
Life started getting so jam-packed with important stuff that I would look at my calendar, desperately trying to strip out anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary so I could free up some time.
Then I saw a recurring appointment I’d put on my calendar. It was when I met with some of my closest friends to talk about life, share advice with each other, and help each other to stay on track. I was thinking about how much stuff I still had to put in my schedule. Sadly, the thought came to my mind, “this might have to go.”
LIFE WITHOUT FRIENDS
Fortunately God worked things out in my life so I could keep that time with my friends. But that got me thinking about how those friendships played a unique role in my life — and what I would have done without them. I can’t imagine who I would be without my closest friends.
So I started thinking about how I could continue to build and prioritize those friendships before life got in the way. And here’s what I got.
FIND A RHYTHM
First things first, my friend and I have to be honest about how often we can get together and not have the rest of our lives fall apart.
Right now that’s every other week. At times it’s been every week. Sometimes it’s only once a month. But no matter how much you want to invest in that relationship, try to be realistic about how much time you have.
After we find a time that works, we lock the time in. Once it’s locked in it’s set in stone. Only family-related and work-related emergencies take precedence over my time with some of my closest friends.
The third step is the hardest: fight drift.
Babies come, busy seasons hit, people get sick. Cancellations will happen — I guarantee it. But rather than let our friendship fall to the wayside, we both have to consistently fight drift. We have to be adamant about preserving that time together as much as possible.
CLOSER THAN A BROTHER
All of this is easier now than it was in the beginning. After years of being intentional about keeping and building our friendships, we can look back and see the incredible value of investing in each other regularly.
There’s something about regular time with a trusted, committed friend that helps us reset. The ancient sage King Solomon said it this way, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
I’m positive this isn’t the only way to build committed friendships through the busy seasons of life, but it’s a way that’s working for me!
Try it out, see what works.
