The True Wealth of Life: Friendship
by Dr. Richard Fisher
I don’t think I would have accomplished anything in life without true friends. Faces crowd my thoughts, each vying for a moment of my memory. And with each memory, a past moment briefly captures my mind and becomes “today.” My heart is flooded with the emotions, the victories, life’s betrayals and crises, the sacrifices that molded those friendships. In the moment of need a friend was born, my wounds were soothed. The memories are still powerful. They make me feel . . . fulfilled — full of life, satisfied, at peace.
Friendship is the true wealth of life. Without companionship no goal could ever be enjoyed; no experience could be mutually understood, no victory could be shared. Life would lose its lustre and meaning.
I have often wondered how to develop and have good friendships, so that I would never be without such precious companions. After all, friends are very important in times of need. And God knows I have a lot of needs. The Bible even speaks of the importance of having friends:
• Proverbs 17:17 — “A friend loves at all times.”
• Proverbs 18:24 — “…there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”
• Ecclesiastes 4:10–12 — “If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
My quest to define friendship has awakened a truth in my soul that at first eluded me. I was so consumed with people meeting my needs — being friendly to me — that I overlooked the fact that true friendship is a mutual relationship that starts with me. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
• We all want good neighbors; God calls us to be that good neighbor.
• We all want someone to step up and help us in time of need; God calls us to give ourselves to others in their time of need.
• We all want dependable friends; God calls us to begin the process by showing ourselves friendly.
You love most those you have invested your heart in; those who in return have done the same for you. Your closest friends are those you have stood by in times of crisis. You care most for those you have sacrificed for and suffered through trials with. Lives and hearts are united with bonds of love, made more secure with each faithful response. Trust is the bond of friendship. And it starts with me.
When I think about my oldest and closest friends, the memories surrounding my friend Tom become focused. Our friendship began when Tom decided to reach out to me and become my friend. He went out of his way to help, to walk with me — why he even sacrificed his time and finances on my behalf. One day I realized that I was his friend, but he was not mine. He had invested in me; but I had invested so little of myself in his life. It was that day that I understood friendship. True friendship is mutual, not one sided. One sided friendship is just selfishness. Tom’s unselfishness was evidence that he considered me his friend. It hit me: the first step to friendship is to value and begin to give yourself to that person. True friendship comes from loving people. When you befriend someone and invest in their life, you develop a love for them, which can blossom into friendship. I started valuing Tom above myself. I considered his needs, even above mine. Tom became “my friend.” I valued Tom; he could trust my loyalty and friendship.
When you are self–centered, this attitude is really hard to maintain for any length of time. Most of my life, I had enjoyed — even come to expect — other people’s friendship, you know, what other people do for me. But then, I started initiating friendship; I acted on it. And my eyes were opened. I was giving myself away; I was investing myself — action by action, heartbeat by heartbeat — in those who would become my friends. Doing leads to understanding (Luke 10:37; James 1:22–25). To understand and experience true friendship, one must truly befriend another.
Friendship is the essence of a vibrant relationship — in your marriage, in parenting and family, among your daily companions, in your walk with God.
The apostle John wrote about God’s desire to be friends with us, through Jesus.
• John 3:16, “For God so loved the world (we, the people) that he gave his uniquely born Son, so that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal Life.”
• 1 John 4:19 (16b-17a), “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete . . . We love because He first loved us.”
• John 15:13–14a with I John 1:3–4, “You are my Friends . . . fellowship with us . . . make our joy complete.”
Now that brings up an interesting thought. What if God was my closest friend?
