Day 382

Cathy Brooks
Sep 3, 2018 · 4 min read

Body Language

There’s something really interesting about having spent the last several years of my life focused on communicating with beings with whom I have no shared vocal language. Okay so that’s not entirely true. Dogs have tonality/pitch in their linguistic repertoire, although oftentimes the cues and meanings differ greatly.

That, however, is a topic for a discussion in another publication. The point of this topic for me today is how entirely ignorant so many humans are about simple cues of body language. When you spend your time focused largely in non-verbal communication, all you have is body language (followed closely by general energy and sense of another being, which is certainly more nuanced).

In general, I’m a hugger. A first encounter with someone for me may start with a handshake, but more often than not, the departure from that very same conversation will be punctuated by a hug. There are times when I don’t feel like a hug. They’re rare. Occasionally it may be due to not physically feeling well, which could mean a cold (in which case one shouldn’t hug anyway because it’s more certain to pass on cooties) or a stomach ache or generally off kilter. Other times it may be more of an emotional cramp — whether that be anger or grief — and the idea of human touch feels more repellant than anything else. But even in this state, sometimes I’ll go in for the hug because, depending on the nature of that emotional landcape, sometimes the hug actually helps. All that being said, those latter scenarios are more the exception than the rule for me. I do not, however, hug everyone. It’s reserved for those with whom I have or have had some sort of deeper connection.

Here’s the other thing — I don’t just go in for a hug … ever. Even with someone who I know well. There’s always a split second of consideration before I to, assessing the space in which the other person is at that moment. It’s not as though I wait for a formal invitation to enter their space, but I consider whether entering their space is a welcome thing or not.

This comes to the forefront for me because this morning I had occasion to see someone who I neither know well nor have a particularly close connection. We have some things in common, some friends in common and certainly are friendly, but I wouldn’t say we’re friends. I’d had a particularly introspective morning, deep in thought on many fronts, and when I entered the room and went to take a seat adjacent to hers she stood up and I could see by her movement that she was about to reach out and grab for a hug. Neither being in the space for a hug nor really having the kind of connection with this individual that would merit one, I smiled said good morning and physically stepped backwards as I did so, figuring the distinct body language would send a clue.

It didn’t.

For the 30 seconds or so she kept attempting to reach out — which became increasingly awkward as by now I was well outside any reasonable embrace’s reach (unless, perhaps, she’d had the wingspan of Michael Phelps). I smiled again and merely said politely that I was not in the space for a hug, and wished her good morning. She smiled widely and said a boisterous good morning before turning her hug trajectory elsewhere.

The part that was most instructive to me was the woman who was sitting directly behind the effusive hugger and watching the entire thing. She was deeply fascinated (or at least appeared to be) in her observation and when the interaction had drawn to a close, she smiled and nodded with an ah ha sort of expression on her face. And so I’m reminded that we never know when and where a lesson will land and whom the recipient shall be. Usually it’s the one who’s paying attention … here’s to paying attention today.



Today’s Gracious Gratitude. I am grateful for:

  • The finishing touches on my home studio
  • Hearing my truth in another person’s story
  • Remembering that the lives painted online rarely deliver depictions of reality
  • Deep slumber saturated with rich dreams
  • Cool, fall mornings
  • Days spent with physical activities I love
  • Smoothies
  • Sunday Bliss

Gracious Gratitude

There are studies that show a simple practice of gratitude awareness can be a real game changer for productivity.

Cathy Brooks

Written by

Raconteur and Silicon Valley expat who’s gone to the dogs … literally. Read more here http://www.hydrantclub.com/our-pack

Gracious Gratitude

There are studies that show a simple practice of gratitude awareness can be a real game changer for productivity.

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