Day 9

Experience, Strength, and Hope

Over the years I’ve had occasion to speak at recovery meetings. Typically they are fairly short talks (known in AA parlance as “shares”). They’ve all been meetings where I’d speak on a topic or literature for 10–20 minutes and then others in the meeting get to share, briefly, as well. Today that changed. I was given the opportunity to speak at a proper “speaker” meeting — my story, a full hour.

While I’m chattier than most, the idea of sharing one’s personal journey with such intensity is a bit daunting. Adding to it is the digital format of Zoom.

When one speaks in front of a live audience, there is feedback. You hear laughter, see smiles, people’s heads nodding. While you can see smiles and head nodding in Zoom, that pure auditory feedback — the involuntary sounds of assent that anyone who speaks/performs often in front of crowds will tell you is the fuel that moves them — is absent. In other words the things that give clues that your message is landing and also stroke the ego, aren’t there. So there is something so deeply pure about that.

Sharing that intensely also is exhausting.

So pen to paper, and bed.

Today’s Gracious Gratitude. I am grateful for:

• Honesty
• My dogs
• Waking after a sound night’s sleep
• Big salads
• Sitting with my feet dangling in my pool catching up with a dear friend
• Clearing out unnecessary paperwork