No-One Gives a Shit About Your Blog
Seriously
Published in
2 min readApr 23, 2019
No-one gives a shit about your blog. It’s official. There was a meeting. Didn’t you get the memo? Nobody cares what you think. It’s no longer a secret. No-one has to fake an interest in your problems, read your posts, click your affiliate links, look at ‘cute’ pictures of your cats, or listen to what you have to say. Life is short. People are busy. Leave them alone.
Oh, we know you’ve had your suspicions. But now, the cat is out of the bag and talking to the press. The world has had enough of you. Your friends are in on it too. They even paid someone to spell it out to you in words that you’d understand. And, because you’re so pretentious, they insisted that he write it as a poem:
We Who Are Your Closest Friends
Philip Lopate, 1943we who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting
as a group
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
frustration
discontent and
torture
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adriftyour analyst is
in on it
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need usin announcing our
association
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote…
