6 step East European weight loss system


1. Walk

20 kilometers every night. Visit important places such as the parliament or the government. Bear to make friends with real people without Tinder thinking your way. Ignore the police defining your path with long fully equipped human chains, they are all meant well. Keep up with the other tens of thousands, no time to catch your breath.

2. Shout

Walk while shouting your lungs out against the establishment. Go home late at night. Wake up and go to work in the morning and act as if nothing happened.

3. Cry

Mourn because young people burned alive in one fun night out. Cry because you feel powerless in a country arrested by a clique of old friends doing each other favours for the past twenty five years.

4. Be cool

Explain to everyone everyday you are not a satanist because you like heavy metal. Be cool since that everyone could be your friends’ mom and pop. You shall exercise mindfulness daily watching an ex covert ops running the state church’s two hundred million euros church building projects. Be cool, we need a huge giant church to add balance to the biggest communist building in the world, on the same damned hill, right behind our salvation stands our condemnation.

5. Be brave

Assume you too could burn alive or drown or loose everything because you live where prevention has not been invented yet. Live, work and have fun in buildings that could crumble at any minute. Being on the edge helps blood pressure high, but at least it does not fluctuate. The last big earthquake killed 1500 peeps, buy hey it was 40 years ago, won’t happen again, we promise.

6. Hope

This is the new paleo. Hundreds of years ago people hoped a lot and look where it has gotten them. You hope baby. Because on this side of old Europe that’s all you’ve got. But hope, like paleo, is healthy. Keeps the spirit hungry.

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