Fixing ESPN’s Stat Problem in Three Easy Steps
This is the first article about ESPN written on March 15th, by a writer on his girlfriend’s birthday while a bird sat outside of his window whistling the chorus to Bad and Boujee.
This week, Anthony Davis dropped a mind-boggling stat-line. In addition to 25 points and 11 rebounds, Davis decided to throw a block party not seen since Dave Chappelle brought out The Roots, A Tribe Called Quest and Blackstar to entertain people with comedy and music. He finished the game with 10 blocks, joining a very exclusive and exceptional class of players. Unfortunately it was his birthday, and it’s unfortunate because ESPN chose to focus on that instead.
Let me read you a list of names: Shaquille O’Neal, Hassan Whiteside, Rajon Rondo, Mark Eaton. Those are all players who recorded a non-traditional (points, assists, rebounds) triple double. Not to mention that David Robinson recorded a quadruple-double with blocks once. Unfortunately none of them did it on their birthday so it’s not significant or sensational enough to bring them up.
Similarly to Davis, Russell Westbrook is having himself a week, as he wracked up his 100th triple-double. An amazing stat. Except:
It wasn’t enough to celebrate Russ, ESPN had to stir the pot by pitting him against the sport’s greats (and one whole GOAT). Again, not to diminish Russell’s accomplishment — he produces numbers that read more like recovery codes your computer sends when you forget your password than basketball stat lines — but framing him like this against MJ, Kobe, Garnett, Barkley or Paul (arguably the best ever to play Russ’ position) is a disservice to both Russ and fans in general.
ESPN has an addiction. It’s not unique to sports. The 24-hour news-cycle and the prevalence of social reporting, blogging and other type of content has created a competition for attention and incentivized sensationalizing news, no matter how small. Every advantage, no matter how minute has to be utilized, even if it’s leaning into the “first” or “by comparison” narrative. Ironically, that Tweet was the first time ESPN sent a tweet where the design was approved by exactly three editors and the copy was revised only three times, that went on on the 16th second of a minute while mercury was in retrograde.
Or, you know. That was just the first time they sent out that kind of tweet.
So how do we fix this? I’m glad you asked. Here are my three easy steps for solving the ESPN stats problem.
1: Everything has to be in basketball context as relating to actual analytics that track the measurable impact a player has on game outcomes and teams success.
This one might be a little hard for ESPN to get their head around, but the first step is to eliminate birthdays, numbers of fans in attendance, or whether or not Drake was at the game until the third quarter (you’re welcome Toronto broadcasters, go nuts). They can’t rely on quantifying the number of hot dogs sold at the venue or the dominant choice of shoelace colour for every attendee at a particular event to claim a uniqueness of the stats. Let’s also eliminate mother’s birthdays, anniversaries, Freaky Fridays and “days that start with T.”
It’s easy to get caught up and lost in the sheer amount of data that we have access too. Hell, we can track things off the court, the number of steps a player makes, how well he passes, track the speed of the pass as well as the velocity of a shot (soccer only, probably). Let’s focus on the stats that matter. Anthony Davis achieved an amazing feat. He worked hard for it, and what he did is rare — but he isn’t a first one to do it. That’s special. That should be enough.
2: Provide historical statistical context.
Stop with the empty fluff. We don’t need to know how many points is the most LeBron James scored while shooting only with his left hand, on a Friday, during an away game, while at least three people courtside were wearing blue, and section 110, seat 15 got picked to participate in a game-break arena event. I’d rather know who he’s competing against. Or know who else has done incredible things when it comes to basketball.
Anthony Davis’ situation was a rare opportunity to teach people about other players who achieved something this special. How about Shaq’s first-ever triple double being with blocks? How about Rajon Rondo getting one with steals? How about David Robinson putting up an absurd statline of a quadruple-double where blocks were involved. These are all incredible and engaging stats (and trust me, The Admiral next to The Brow with a stat side-by-side make a compelling graphic, I would know, I’m a freelance graphic designer).
A better example is Russ. Out of context, the graphic makes him look like he towers over some of the legends of the game who have more rings and Finals appearances than he does (or probably ever will, sorry Russ). Sure, it’s a historic achievement, but he is the fourth person to reach it. Why not chart Russ on a graph vs. Jason Kidd (107), Magic Johnson (138) and Oscar Robertson (181)?
3: You’re not allowed to use the word ‘first’ anymore.
I know. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be excruciating. You will write and re-write your copy a million times and you may even miss an opportunity to publish something because you can’t come up with a new and unique angle. That’s okay. It’ll be worth it for all of us. Unless the feat is truly, absolutely, without a shadow-of-a-doubt basketball relevant, no more ‘firsts’. If it has 50 qualifiers to count as a first, it isn’t a first.
Let’s stop talking about irrelevant fluff and get back to basketball, shall we?
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