The Blue Jays Drinking Game To Get You Through the Rest of 2017.

Published in

Grandstand Central

4 min readAug 4, 2017

Heading into 2017, Blue Jays’ fever was close to an all-time high. The team was coming off back-to-back ALCS appearances and returned with their rotation intact, as well as most of their starting lineup. Even with Edwing having flown the coop for Cleveland, there was no reason to think this team wouldn’t remain competitive. However, from about day four of training camp — when Josh Donaldson’s calf popped — the season seemed like it was under a voodoo hex. What started with a lot of promise ended up, with 33 games of Luke Maile, and Sid Seixeiro telling you to “Stay Woke” in possibly the most ignorant ad of all time.

Now, it’s four months later, the trade deadline has come and gone, and the Jays are six TEAMS back of the second wild card. So if you’re still around, congratulations! You’ve just signed up to watch another ten starts from Mike Frickin’ Bolsinger! The withered husk of Jose Bautista is still batting leadoff! Ezequiel Carrera is the third best hitter on the entire team! (Actually.) RYAN GOINS is on pace to play 134 games! Pat Tabler still exists!

Never fear though, my friends. I’m right here suffering with you. And I have just the rub. Since this shitshow still has two months left in it (and has had us hitting the bottle since the spring anyway), I decided to give us a little fun out of the deal! So, without further ado, I, Grandstand Central, and Alcoholics Anonymous present to you…

THE BLUE JAYS DRINKING GAME TO GET YOU THROUGH THE REST OF 2017.

Take One Drink Every Time…

The Jays ground into a double play. (Twice if it’s a 6–4–3)
Pat Tabler gives an eyeroll-inducingly obvious piece of analysis. (ex. “In a 3–1 count, you want to try for extra bases if you can.”)
Buck Martinez says “GET UP, GET UP!” on a fly ball. (Two more if the ball stays in the park.)
John Gibbons is shown on camera. (Twice if he’s eating or drinking something.)
You hear “This is a big/important/key at-bat/out for the Jays”.
A report is given by Hazel Mae/Arash Madani/Jamie Campbell.
Buck or Tabby reference the 2015 or 2016 seasons in any way.
The game is held up while either team decides whether to review a play (Twice if they ultimately decide to actually review it.)
Buck or Tabby cite a completely irrelevant or outdated stat as significant information (ex. “Goins is 9-for-13 with the bases loaded this season, which leads the AL”.)
A Blue Jay takes an at-bat with a batting average below the Mendoza Line.
You hear the “Let’s Go Blue Jays” organ tune. (You know the one. Ads included.)
An umpire blows a call.
Buck/Pat repeat a piece of analysis they already gave earlier in the inning, or in the current hitter’s previous at-bat, or in the previous sentence.

Take Two Drinks Every Time…

Buck or Tabby make it clear that they either don’t like or don’t understand any analytics-related practice or stat (ex: Tabby derides defensive shifts).
Through characteristic combinations of strikeouts, popups or double plays, the Jays strand a runner in scoring position with less than two outs (drink for each runner stranded).
Kevin Pillar leaves his feet while playing centre field.
The Jays’ hitters top the ten strikeout mark for the game.
A Jays’ hitter strikes out swinging through a breaking ball.
You see a corporate-sponsored segment. (ex: “The Honda Drive of the Game Presented by the WestJet Flight Deck Call Down to Rogers.”)

Take Three Drinks Every Time…

Gregg Zaun rips the Jays’ for a mistake that most viewers wouldn’t understand or have noticed.
The Jays send out a pitcher who could be a randomly generated player in MLB: The Show. (Cesar Valdez?! Come on!). Also, drink for every inning this pitcher appears in.
Jose Bautista barks at an umpire or opposing player.
A pitcher you’re pretty sure is in your slo-pitch league dominates the Jays.

Finish Your Drink If…

Kendrys Morales legs out an extra-base hit OR the back end of a double play ball, OR scores from first on a ball in play. Pretty much, finish your drink if Morales actually runs.
John Gibbons gets tossed.

BONUS:

Start the game with a shot/shotgun if Dan Shulman is doing the play-by-play.

Series specific rules (allow two per series):

(Ex: while facing the Angels, drink every time Mike Trout being on the DL is mentioned, while facing the Yankees, drink every time Aaron Judge is shown/mentioned while he isn’t on the field)

1._________________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________________

*For the record, I tried this with the White Sox game on August 1st, and it got me GOOD!

Here are some pocket sized printable cheatsheets so that you don’t have to be that tool with your laptop in front of you at a pub: