Living [digitally] deliberately
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived” (Thoreau 80)
My phone should be a tool. But one day, I looked up from the screen wondering how much time I’d spent endlessly scrolling through a feed and across from me was a friend still in the scroll. We had gotten here by looking up a Wikipedia article to boost our conversation but instead created empty space between us.
I started noticing people around me were having similar conflicts. Digital detoxes are a thing that range from turning off phones during specific hours to week-long retreats where people can relax and connect with each other in real life. Maybe this is because of how we frame our relationships digitally. In her book about our relationship with technology, Alone Together author Sherry Turkle writes that we are forming inauthentic connections with each other digitally because we start to perform for each other through our screens and we start molding others to how we want to see them. If we don’t agree with a social media post we can delete it or try discussing the issue but digital places typically become a dumping ground of emotions without depth because the issues are too complex to discuss digitally.
I also noticed a lack of focus from constantly picking up my phone. I felt as though grabbing my phone or opening 20 new tabs in a browser was productive when the opposite was true. This led to an empty feeling with my digital life and I started considering my personal nuclear option: leaving my smartphone in favor of a flip phone. Though it would have untethered me and saved some money along the way, a few things stopped me from going this route:
1) Many things take longer to do without a smartphone
2) Going against the grain of society is a difficult thing to do
3) I would be hypocritical when designing for screens as a designer
Finally, I realized the main issue was not with the phone itself but rather my relationship with digital. I’d never considered this because it felt funny to think of defining my relationship with an iPhone—is it exclusive, open, complicated? I decided to conduct an object diary for myself to tackle this.
The premise of an object diary is similar to a typical diary where a person writes entries about activities, environments, interactions, and feelings through time. However, in an object diary that person writes in the perspective of a particular object whenever the object is considered. Below is an example of an entry for/from my phone when I grabbed it out of my backpack:
4:30pm — Finally! Ignacio paid attention to me. I’ve been waiting for him to at least check my bright screen. It’s been a bummer since he turned off notifications, he only notices me every 5 minutes now…
This helped project my thoughts, feelings, and even a bit of character onto my phone to understand how I related to it. I found that my phone was well-intentioned but demanding of time and even arrogant after I would ignore it because my phone knew I would come back eventually. My digital life seemed to have overtaken my actual life—as though I needed digital to feel fulfilled when instead digital should be a tool used deliberately for my benefit.
Do I live [digitally] deliberately?
The answer depends on the person asking the question and determining the answer for themselves. A social media site can be a time-sucking burden for one person while being the only accessible connection to family for someone else. So rather than detoxing from devices and/or digital places we can work to redefine them as tools — things that carry out a deliberate, specific function to the benefit of ourselves and/or others. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, though asking the question above is an essential step to confronting similar digital dilemmas.
I’ve considered my experiences along with what I want to get out of my digital tools to create a list of considerations for living digitally deliberately which I am working to live by and which you can adopt, change, add, delete for yourself. It takes the point of view that digital should complement real-world experiences for the sake of authentic relationships and brings into it a mindfulness approach to using our digital tools:
Being with someone/thing is the ultimate connection
Digital is amazing at creating outlines for new bonds with not only people but with objects, places, however, those outlines are only ever filled with a physical presence in actual conversation.
State your benefit to opening your digital tool
Have a goal and a benefit when you pick up the phone, open a new tab, subscribe to a newsletter, follow a feed, download an app, etc. Digital tends to feel dispensable which leads to careless excessiveness.
Mind the present
Take pause to be mindful of where you are while you’re digital.
Finish the task at hand
Focus on your benefit and goal you had in mind for opening your digital tool and see it through.
Accept the setbacks and move on
We’ll find ourselves in that endless scroll from time to time which is fine. Just recognize it and move on.
This has helped me as a user but my role as a designer introduced a new dilemma: How might I design for others to live digitally deliberately? Stay tuned for that answer in part 2 of this series.
If you’re interested in reading more about the topic of digital wellness and our relationship to technology check out Sherry Turkle’s work and Cal Newport’s book Digital Minimalism.
