Over 30 and Going to a Graduate School with a Family
This is purely my personal opinion, but many Japanese students coming to graduate school in the US are in their late 20s. This is most likely because the late 20s is the prime time where you have gained a few years of experience after first entering the workforce. Once you start thinking about advancing your career, MBA starts to become a great option around that time.
On the contrary, I was 33 and married with a child when I entered graduate school. I’m nearly 35 now. Placing a hold on my career and moving to a different country with a 6-months-old child was a risky move.
When I told people that I’m leaving Japan to attend graduate school, people asked me, “why?” so many times. However, it’s something I wanted to do for a long time, and it’s something I’m determined to accomplish. Nothing stands in my way. With a strong determination, I have come here so far.
However, this wasn’t accomplished just by myself. My wife, who has equally risked her career to join my journey, has been understanding enough to support my career decision. I am more than grateful for her, and words cannot describe this gratitude.
Since I had been in the United States as an undergraduate student at UCLA, I thought I was accustomed to living in the United States. However, given that my stay in the United States this time involves my family, the complexity is now on a whole new level.
People may think it’s nearly impossible to get through graduate school while supporting a family at the same time. Luckily, I have managed to get through so far. I am writing this to share my experience as a graduate student so that others may also be motivated to pursue their advanced degrees.
My Schedule During the Semester
As an undergraduate student at UCLA, I had the luxury of investing all of my time into studying. At that time, I could spend an infinite amount of time to work on assignments/projects and got a lot out of that experience. However, this is now impossible for me as a graduate student. Not just school work, but it is crucial to allocate enough time for taking care of my daughter and family-related matter.
I am at school during the daytime, but I made it a rule to come home at 7 pm unless there is something unexpected. As a family, we have dinner together from 7 pm, and after putting my daughter to sleep, I study from 11 pm.
On average, I would work until 3 am or 4 am and then go to bed. When I am approaching the end of the semester, sometimes I pull an all-nighter. It wasn’t this horrible, even when I was working full time in Tokyo.
However, I couldn’t work after being sleep deprived so I would sleep a lot once a week. On the weekends, I would spend my time with my family during the daytime, and just like on weekdays; I would resume studying after 11 pm.
This was hard. Pulling an all-nighter when you are over 30 is a horrible experience on its own. But what’s worse is that even if you somehow manage to study like, this doesn’t yield enough time to study compared with an average graduate student at Harvard. I was both physically and mentally fatigued at all times.
When I was struggling through a probability class at Harvard, there would be a time I would stare at the homework problem for 3 hours, not knowing what to do. And this happened often.
After moving to Massachusetts, my white hair has increased dramatically.
Unlike my undergrad years, where I could invest an infinite amount of time for studies, I had to try numerous approaches so that I could ensure the maximum output within a limited amount of time. As a result, I concluded that collaborating with other students on assignments and helping each other out is crucial. This approach will enrich the experience of learning and bolster the level of output. I believe this holds valid outside of school and also applies for work too.
Daycare
During the first couple of months, my wife was taking care of our daughter during the day. It must have been tough for her to raise a child in a non-Japanese environment where things would not go the way she expected. There were many fights with her. With that said, she did adjust to life here.
However, as our daughter turned 1, she started walking by herself, and the difficulty has increased dramatically. Given the circumstance, we finally decided to put her in daycare.
The cost of daycare in the United States is prohibitively expensive. Maybe it depends on where you are, but you will regret it if you try to put your child through daycare as you would in Japan. The price range for having a child go to daycare five times a week around Harvard comes to approximately $3,000 a month.
This price was way above our budget, so we started by having our daughter go to daycare two times a week. Later on, this was increased to three times a week. We looked for the cheapest place, and among the available ones we could find, we decided to let her go to a daycare in Somerville. This daycare was a Tibetan daycare, and the staffs were great!
It was costly, but I think it was an excellent decision to put our daughter through daycare. First of all, putting our daughter through daycare has freed my wife’s time and made her feel a lot more comfortable when I am gone for school. Another good point was that daycare served to build our daughter’s social skills.
It took about a month for our daughter to get used to the daycare, but after that, she started enjoying her time there and made many friends. Her social skills have improved dramatically, which made us, the parents, surprised. At this point, when we go to daycare to pick my daughter up at the end of the day, she gives a huge hug to the teachers. I don’t know how much she will remember her life here, but I do hope her experiences will live within her somehow.
School
While I engage in classes and assignments at school, what would my wife do during that time? As a graduate student accompanying my family, I think it’s crucial to consider what your significant other would do when you are at school. Ideally, I would want my wife to benefit from this occasion of coming to the United States. After some discussion with my wife, she ended up going to a school called Cambridge Center for Adult Education near Harvard Square. Several days a week, she would go there to take classes in English discussion, reading, and vocabulary building.
My wife was able to meet new people through her classes, and she would come home, sharing what happened during class with me, so this choice of going to school was effective.
Compared to the past, my wife’s English ability has increased dramatically. Before getting married, she was nervous, even talking to the server at the restaurant, but now she reads books in English and makes phone calls to make claims.
Insurance
Having insurance was a huge plus. My wife had international insurance, my daughter and I signed up for insurance that Harvard was offering. Once, my daughter had an accident and cut her hand with a piece of glass badly. Observing her first (somewhat major) accident, both my wife and I were freaking out as parents but managed to call the hotline number Harvard was offering. The staff was kind and suggested we go to the Children’s Hospital in downtown Boston.
We went straight to the ER, and my daughter was ok. I knew that medical bills in the United States are expensive, and I was worried about what the total outcome would be. Eventually, a $3,000 statement came, and thanks to the insurance we had, we only had to pay $100. Also, with this insurance, my daughter had all of her vaccinations for free. If you are planning to attend graduate school with your family members, I strongly suggest having the best insurance ready. You never know what’s going to happen, and if something happens without having enough coverage, it’s too late.
Zipcar
For some locations in the United States, having a car is a must. Since there are several public transportation options available, luckily, Cambridge is a place where you don’t need a car. Even if there is a situation you need to use a vehicle desperately, Uber, and Lyft are your friends.
However, being together with a family, you might want to start exploring options of having a car in Cambridge. It is harrowing trying to transport a family’s worth of groceries without a car. When we first started living together in Cambridge, my wife would walk to the closest supermarket for half an hour and walk home with all the groceries packed in the stroller. As the season got deeper into winter, this grocery shopping became nothing but pure misery.
To resolve this situation, I signed up for Zipcar, the pioneer of a car-sharing service. Since using this service, our quality of life has increased dramatically. Once a week, we would reserve a Zipcar and go for grocery shopping. Not just for grocery shopping, but we could go out driving for other occasions too. There are many cars to choose from, and the price was affordable, given that we book the car in advance.
After the Semester
During the semester, I was mostly stressing out with work. Once the semester was over, however, I was emancipated from the burden. I am glad that I was able to go to many places during my summer and winter breaks.
Starting from Cambridge, we went to various locations, including north, south, and the east, in the New England area. The more I went to new places, the more I saw about the history of the United States and gave a more in-depth insight into this country.
Moreover, given that we are on the east coast, we were able to visit countries that would have been difficult to access from Japan. We would look for tickets that were affordable and visited numerous countries around the United States.
I strongly recommend taking advantage of the location where you are studying and visiting places together with your family where you would not have visited if you were in Japan. After all, you are not here studying alone.
Going Through Graduate School with a Family
Not just for me, but as a family, going through graduate school was filled with challenges. After going through this, I have become tougher than ever. Going through the obstacles together has enabled the family to bond even stronger. Yes, it is an excruciating attending graduate school with a family, but overcoming this challenge makes it a valuable life experience.
