I Am Mightier Than The Ocean: A Guide to Making Cool Rocks With Your Kids

My daughter loves cool rocks. She collects them at the park, at the ocean, and whenever we go camping. She keeps them in her backpack, her suitcase, the door handle of my car (where they rattle and impair my ability to drive), and anyplace in the house where I might step without shoes.

Upgrade your rocks.

I decided to buy her a rock tumbler. Now you can learn from my mistakes.

The rock tumbler turns crummy rocks into cool smooth rocks. My daughter likes it. If your kid likes rocks, this is a mildly educational toy that your child might enjoy. Also, the instructions claim that it takes the ocean millions of years to complete this process, so have some respect.

Know this: the rock tumbler is loud.

It combines the loud whir of a cheap motor with the clunky noise of rocks banging together. Oh, and step one takes two weeks. There are three steps (each with a finer grain of sand mixed with water) you must complete if you want to make a small pile of neat, shiny rocks. I bought a kid-friendly one, which means it was cheap and there’s a decent chance the tumbler will leak grey, sandy water at some point.

Unless you have a garage or someplace outdoors to stick this thing, or your entire family is deaf, or zen masters, or in love with the sound of rocks banging together, you should not buy a rock tumbler.

The sound is unpleasant and stressful and someone will get murdered.

If you do have an out-of-the-way, soundproof place to stick it, your child will be able to polish rocks like a pro. The sound of the tumbler startled me every time I got out of the car, but the end results were pretty impressive (smooth rocks).

You can wear the rocks if you want to.

Our set came with cheap plastic jewelry kit but I recommend getting some copper wire so you can make a decent ring or necklace. I didn’t spend three weeks tumbling rocks so my kid could glue them to a cheap plastic ring.

Soon you’ll be wearing homemade jewelry that took far less than a million years to make. Suck it, ocean.