Gratitude #54: Table Gap
Table Gap is basically the same as Thigh Gap but with tables instead of thighs.
Let’s start again.
The second someone gets on a crowded train they’re already planning how to minimise the pain of getting off it. People choose to stand near the doors or they refuse to shift from the aisle seat when the window seat opens up next to them — resulting in significant side-knees if someone tries to squeeze past — just to make their future exit easier. The same thing happens at cafes, a smooth exit is a key concern when selecting a table and nothing affects your prospects of a smooth departure more than a narrow table gap.
There are a number of things to think about when you’re about to get up from your seat:
- you’re wondering whether it’s more acceptable to point your bum or your dick at the couple on the next table when it comes time for you to squeeze past (a rock and a hard place, if you will),
- you’re tossing up whether to wait until the 3 UFC tee-shirt wearing bros next to you leave before you make your move,
- you’re wondering if the tables are fixed to the floor, and
- you’re wondering whether your chair will glide back smoothly or jolt back violently, resulting in coffee-spilling mayhem.
A generous table gap is not just good for a smooth exit, it also gives us some privacy from bulging-eyed eavesdroppers. Not only does it stop the pantsuits next to you from listening in to your conversations, it helps you avoid unintentionally listening in on their wrist-slittingly boring office stories about Marie from HR. The golden rule of table gap for cafes owners is to figure out how many tables can fit in your cafe and get rid of 25% of them. Cafes are supposed to be relaxing, not in your face. They should be decidedly out of your face.
I’m grateful for generous table gaps because the sites I visit on the Dark Web are no-one’s business but mine.
