Gratitude #65: Interviewers avoiding the topic of regret

“I had the same business idea back in 2007 so that could’ve been me”

No. The fact you had the idea but did nothing about it almost by definition means it couldn’t have been you. It could’ve been all of us, but something inside you made you not go through with that idea so you have about as much claim to “that could’ve been me” as the rest of us.

It’s why interview questions like “What do you regret about x / what would you do differently if you had your time again?” are so insidious. And it’s why I respect interviewees who reject the premise of the question outright, even if it means looking like a humourless robot to the audience.

If I was asked I’d reframe the question as “Do you mean ‘What have I learnt’?” It’s only a minor change but the difference goes way beyond semantics. It’s about your life philosophy and answering the original question is just a gateway drug to unhelpful thinking. Regret infers you were somehow able to come up with a different decision at the time based on all the factors present, which is spurious. You wouldn’t be able to do anything differently so why even pollute your mind with it? If you boil it down to its essence the interviewer is basically after a prescription on how to succeed in the future and you can still provide this by reframing it in terms of what you’ve learned, without the “if only” wishful thinking.

If I asked Peggy-Sue to the Debutante Ball my kids would be hotter. If my aunt had a penis she’d be my uncle. If my dad was Conrad Hilton and my mum was whoever Paris Hilton’s mum was then I’d be Paris Hilton. If my dog was good at Pogs I’d be famous.