Today I’m grateful for old-school removalists

I love old school removalists. Well I’m not sure if I actually like them or if I just like them compared to the new breed of hot-shots flooding the marketplace with their boyish good looks and (usually justified) self-confidence.

I’m not sure how evolved Melbourne’s removalist market is compared with the rest of the world but in the past 5 years there’s been a plague of made-for-Insta removalists grabbing market share with disrespectfully casual names like “Man with a Van”, “2 Men & Truck” and “Move my Stuff!”. And in the spirit of true sustaining innovation they promise to simplify the process by cutting out some old extravagances and replacing them with modern extravagances.

But I like the old extravagances!

I like the regular, not-for-tv blue collar labourers with an incongruously fancy name on their shirt pocket. It’s always fun to see Macca the ex-con with old school naval tatts working for White Glove Removalists Pty Ltd, especially considering the last time he wore white gloves lots of nice people were told to stay on the ground for about a minute. They’re not doing it to earn enough to finish building their beer bong pong table in time for summer, they’re not doing it to get an even tan, they’re doing it because it’s their job so they work hard.

They still advertise in the Yellow Pages instead of Facebook, they still eat a pie and chocolate milk in their lunch break (none of this assorted sashimi box business), they still hold their cigarettes like the hand-rolled stubs they did awful things for back in Pentridge prison, they still have the awful puns that make grandma snicker…

Moved physically, I assume. Oh wait, Sadler you devil!

These old-school movers are of the school where you just push a button and we’ll take care of the rest. The way things are going with the moving industry it’ll soon be “provide your own vehicle and labour and we’ll come along for moral support, call you ‘bro’ and shout you a focaccia during your lunch break. That’ll be $799.”

I’m not anti-disruption by any means, and I’m fully aware these old school removalists are on their way out — I’m not paying for your fucking Yellow Pages ad — but I just wish the sweet spot between “White Glove Removalists Pty Ltd” and doing it yourself wasn’t filled with brochachos with more wasabi than work ethic.