Today I’m grateful for Scientology

The previous tenant at my place was a Scientologist and I’ve been receiving her mail for the past month or so, and while I’ve been pretty diligent at returning mail from other senders the Scientology ones for some reason just never happen to reach the postbox. I know I’m probably denying this woman eternal enlightenment but goddamn it I can’t give up this fountain of meme gold. It’s like accidentally finding out my dad’s a Stonecutter.

It’s cool being part of a not-so-secret secret club, but it’s also really weird in this case. The sad part is it’s both easy and hard to imagine how their 200,000+ members bought into this stuff. Just so we’re all on the same page, the Church of Scientology says the world is 76 trillion years old and the core of its teaching lies in the belief that everyone suffers from some trauma from millions of years ago and that we must re-live it in order to neutralise it and reach the spiritual state Scientologists call clear. They blame the holocaust on the practice of psychiatry (!) and keep mystical secrets from those who haven’t reached the higher levels of initiation — OT or clear state — because they may be harmful to the unprepared. I’m going to be using a lot of italics in this post, just to be clear.

And then there’s this normal thing from the Wikipedia page:

The supposed ruler of the Galactic Confederacy

This is actual material sent out:

Thanks Ronny for the invitation to live
Who am I to argue with professional communicae like this?

And there’s this thing called an E-Meter used for auditing members. The Church of Scientology now publishes disclaimers in its publications declaring that the E-meter “by itself does nothing” and that it is used specifically for spiritual purposes:


I’m grateful for Scientology because it finally exposes thousands of years worth of scientific breakthroughs as the myths they are.

Like what you read? Give Charles Logan a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.