Tie, Observe and Control

I threw the glass. Water spilled all over and tears rolled from my eyes. Anger took control. “I hate this place”, I said. My mom, looked at me in silence. “I will die”, I said wiping my tears. This time, she walked straight to me and slapped. “Never say that again”, she demanded. I cried louder. My anger soon turned into rage, I threw the food plate, walked straight out of the main door, shouting, “I will die, I will die”. Then, I ran to the bus station, took a bus to the beach and sat in the sand for two hours. I felt hungry but din’t go home. I was just so angry. I walked in the beach until evening, collecting shells. As the sun started to set, my mind said, “Go home”. My ego said “No”. After an hour, the ego subsided. I took a bus, reached home and stood at the front door with two pockets full of shells and a lot of sand all over. I was 14 then.

“Why did you go to the beach?”, asked my dad.

“I thought of drowning myself in the beach”, I replied in a low voice.

“Go, have bath. Let’s have dinner”, he said.

He continued, “I searched everywhere after I returned from work. We were so worried. Don’t do this again”.

I was silent and just nodded my head. I said sorry to my mom and went to bed.

Next day, in the evening ,my dad asked, “Shall we go to the beach and play for sometime?”

“Will mom also come with us?”, I asked.

“Yes”, he replied.“Then, let’s go”, I said.

We reached the beach. As we walked along the shore, we saw people flying kites. “Do you want to fly a kite?”, asked my dad.

“Yes”, I replied instantly.We bought one. My dad held the thread spool as I ran holding the kite high. The moment I left it with a little jump, the wind took over it. My dad handed over the spool to me and said, “Fly”. As the wind pulled the kite upwards, I could sense its force on the thread. I gave it more thread from the spool and the kite started to climb high. Suddenly, the wind took me by surprise, it started spiraling the kite down. I held on to the thread tight until my dad shouted, “Son, release more thread, fast”. I quickly released more thread, the kite stopped spiraling down and stabilized. I was a bit relieved. After two spools of thread, the kite was so high that it appeared like a small bird. With no more thread left, my dad tied it to a small post and sat watching and controlling it with the thread when it seemed in trouble.

As I sat in the sand watching the kite fly high, “Why were you angry yesterday?”, asked my dad.

“Mom scolded me for watching TV so early in the morning. I was watching Cricket. I don’t know why, I just got angry at that moment”, I replied.

“That’s called emotion. It controls you until you control it. Look at that kite. The wind is trying to take it in its direction but then we are controlling it with the thread. Emotion is like the wind, it makes us dance to its tunes. We lose control of ourselves and act without reasoning, like you did yesterday, leave the house and came to the beach to die.”, he said and smiled.

“I am sorry dad, is there a way to control it?”, I asked.

“Yes. Look at this thread. This is controlling the kite from being taken away by the wind. What did we do when the wind spiraled the kite down? We released the thread. Same way, When our emotions try to take over, we should control them with our thoughts. Our thoughts are like this thread. We should use them to keep ourselves in control. Like the way we sensed the pull of the wind on the thread, we should learn to sense the pull of our emotions as they arrive and then use our thoughts to control them”

“But the wind is also helping the kite to fly”, I asked.

“Yes. The kite cannot fly without the wind. We cannot live a happy life without emotions. Love, happiness, determination, compassion, empathy are all emotions. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be emotional. I am saying that you shouldn’t be controlled by emotions alone.”

“What happens if we let emotions alone control us”, I asked.

My dad immediately cut the thread that attached the kite to the post and asked, “what happens to that kite now”.

“Lost, it’s blown away by the wind”, I replied.

“Where will it go?”, he asked.

“It goes where ever the wind takes it”, I replied.

“Exactly, that’s what happens to you when you let your emotions control you. You will be lost and end up where ever they take you. Mostly, into situations you never want to be in. From today, whenever you become emotional, think about the lost kite and stop getting carried away by them. Though it’s hard, practice and enable your mind to think and drive your emotions in the right direction. Stay attached to your mind when you most need it.”

It’s been 15 years and I haven’t found a better advice than this for a happy and successful life. A research done at Carnegie Melon University shows that 85 percent of your financial success depends on your emotional intelligence, that is, the way you become aware of your emotions and control them when they try to control you. Only 15 percent is attributed to technical skills. Understand the importance of attaching a thread to your emotions. Emotions can build or break relationships, make you feel strong or depressed, help you to be confident or scare you to death. They can leave you pondering in the past or motivate you for the future. They just can play with you if you let them to. Don’t let the kite loose to the wind, tie it, observe it and control it when needed. That’s the secret for a stable, balanced and happy life. Live happily!!

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