Decurion way of giving feedback
Media used to flood us with articles about positive, objective, constructive feedback. This week of LeadWise program, we were exploring generosity in giving feedback. Here is my reflection.
During our Monday call, we had an interview with Bryan Ungard, CPO (Chief Purpose Officer) in Decurion. He explained us his company vision and values. While answering Kate’s question about minimum viable structure for self-managing organizations, Bryan mentioned six points that I will resume here :
1. People need to find that’s what they are doing is important for them.
2. Transparency
3. Open conversations about the business : working/not working , development, financial information, marketplace
4. Protect people from uncertainty (we can be together)
5. What do you think is the next step for yourself, for the business and how we can bring it together
6. Feedback based on comparison is blocking personal development (everybody is unique, there is no common measure)
Within our team, we had a discussion about “How to ask for help ?” We found several ideas . Asking for help should be done openly, humbly, with empathy, involve listening, be focused on making connexion. I brought the point that asking for help when we are self-focused is different and less impactful than asking for help being aware of the connexion we are creating (shifting from Me to We). Our team agreed the one who’s asking for help, must be able to let go their ego (not try to “look good”), show vulnerability, accept refusal. Our shared conclusion was that asking for help is a gift for the person who is receiving the request.
When you ask for help, you need also to be aware of your intention (What’s your purpose, get the necessary information, overcome fear or low self-esteem ? Are you able to do it yourself ?).
From the other hand, the success of your action will depend on whether you choose to address your request to someone because of his skills and knowledge or because of their readiness to help (Are they supportive and ready to help ?). All those factors should be considered before asking someone from your team for help, without forgetting a right timing to do it.
During the past week, we were intensively practicing generosity and vulnerability, asking for help and offering it by congratulating, recognizing, appreciating, encouraging, supporting, sharing, contributing to each other’s growth. We all commited to practice in our everyday life as well.
I discovered it was quite easy for me to ask for help. Curiously, offering help appeared to be more challenging. I realized offering help can be quite intimidating especially if the person is not expecting the offer. I believe in our culture, offering help or support others is often perceived as intruding and so it can be at work. However, I also noticed, that even if the offer has been declined, it makes a big difference for the relationship. It’s all about showing people that you care about them, That’s why it liberates team collaboration. I could directly see this impact in our LW group as well as in my personal network.
There were two big learnings for me this week. First, there are many opportunities in life, where we could show our generosity to each other, but we don’t. We actually don’t have the habit to ask for help or to offer help. Second, by not being generous, we are wasting a social dormant potential of creativity and collaboration.
By the way, offering help to someone doesn’t mean expecting something in exchange. The offer needs to be disinterested, otherwise it’s not generosity, it’s bargaining.
So, if you offer your help to a friend or a colleague, remember two rules : generosity and no hidden agenda. It’s all about empathy and spontaneity ! There is no strategy behind. It’s “le movement de coeur” as the French say.
Our Friday call we were reflecting on what “generous feedback” is. It appeared that everybody had a different definition of effective feedback. For some of us, feedback needed to be objective, measurable, tangible, minimizing the subjectivity, whilst for others, it required more personal expression. The question was raised, how to avoid the confusion between effective feedback and personal opinion or judgment ?
I believe the generous feedback contains a tangible information pointing the person’s value added. At the same time, to be empowering and generous, a powerful feedback needs some personal touch. It appears to me that effective feedback addresses working relation people have together (same feedback from the peer, from your boss or from the client will not make the same impact).
Bryan warned us against the risk of feedback focused on performance. According to him, we cannot apply the same measure to everybody. People have different talents, skills, goals, they are unique. That’s why everybody needs to be treated in a different way.
And if we were giving feedback to each other based not on performance, but on individual growth ? How this could impact our relationships within organizations and our personal development ?
