[PSM] Week 1 — Reflections
New team, New space, Interesting Tensions in between
Reflecting on what we did in our first week of PSM, we learned about social contracts, challenged to create a social contract of our own with 2 other team members, and then challenged to map out a personal role expectation canvas. Throughout this short but intensive one week of calls and assignments, there were many things I’ve learned and felt, but one that especially comes to mind for today's reflection.
It is about the interesting tension I felt when we are at the beginning stage of creating teamwork with new people, who are gathered to learn and practice a collaborative way of working. It was a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time, because I was so used to working with people I’ve known for years, working in a particular way that we always have. This time it felt like starting anew, with a clean slate, with people who we believe to appreciate the value of working collaboratively, but we aren't sure just ‘how to’ with each other yet.
So it felt like everyone, including me, were being careful, respectful, polite, patient, and along with the assignment, I found myself observing the different characters and energies in the team, seeing when to step in and initiate or wait and invite, figuring out what kind of role or position I should put myself in, looking to find the natural flow/harmonies of our energies.
This interesting tension I felt, I think came from two different emotions.
1) not knowing. not knowing who these people are, not knowing what we are going to do, not knowing how I will be viewed or how I can contribute, not knowing how much I can be vulnerable. 2) but also by knowing (or trusting) that this is a safe space. that we are gathered here to learn how to work together as our authentic selves, to embrace the vulnerability we all have, and to find a way to organize and work that strengthens the team’s capacity in doing so. So, the basic trust that it's okay to be yourself here, that it's okay to be imperfect, and it's even better to show it.
So overall, I said ‘interesting’ tension because its a mixture of feeling amused and curious, nervous but having fun, a fear that this will be challenging, but also looking forward to and feeling ready to be challenged.
As I'm writing this blog, I also realize that I’m feeling this tension within myself. Writing every week and sharing with the public is another big challenge. It brings again the mixture of feeling the pressure to prove myself, needing to be impressive but at the same time also trusting and telling myself that its okay to be as I am, that the main focus here is to learn, to be vulnerable and grow from it together.
But I am looking forward to creating that safe space together with this group, opening up and being challenged, being vulnerable, and being inspired.
Side note) as I'm finishing up about my fear of sharing my writing, I find myself thinking ‘vulnerability’ is something I would like to write as another reflection post next time…
