Apple Summer Guide 2018
Fuck it’s hot.
BBC News is on in the background. They’re talking to an expert about the record breaking heat, “… and <jovial smile> is this evidence of climate change as some people are saying?”
“Well… I wouldn’t want to say that explicitly…”
“But maybe we can look forward to a lot more hot summers?!”
Fucking we’re all dead.
Remember when the iPod was released in 2001 and, if you saw someone else wearing the white ear phones, you’d give a nod? The same thing happens now with AirPods but we’re not nodding we’re checking to see how much of a dick we look wearing them. And the other person is checking too.
Good news is critical mass happened and there’s enough of us looking stupid so it’s fine now.
Product of the year.
“The new $6k MacBook Pro”
A lot of critics stating the maxed out $6,000 price of the new MacBook Pro like it’s the entry level price.
Like they’ll be requiring the fully specced MacBook Pro with a 4TB hard drive to whine on twitter and browse PornHub.
Old MBP with a Broken keyboard?
Mine’s fucked. The command key is depressed. ‘3’ will kinda do multiple 3s and the paint on the shift key is wearing off.
I should book an appointment with a Genius. But… cba. Just keep sucking on the keys I guess.
The trick with the Apple Watch is to wear one, but don’t look like you’re trying to wear one. I dunno, wear it casual! (Han Solo reference)
But that is the trick.
Like, you can’t wear an Apple Watch and the AirPods. It’s too much. You’ll look like you’re sponsored.
So pick one or the other in public.
Talking to normal people about Apple
“Apple slows down old iPhones on purpose”
And someone else nods, “yeah I heard that too.” Sometimes I let it slide. Listen to them affirm each others madness. Other times I’m like why would Apple actively make their products bad what kind of fucking business plan is that for any rational company that wants customers to keep buying– … and they laugh like jesus chill out.
Watching someone force quitting their apps in fast succession
“Hey… you know… force quitting doesn’t save battery. <smile> It actually kinda worsens it…”
“Yeah… Because relaunching the app means the whole app has to load again… So like… uses more power”
“Oh wow I never knew that!”
“Heh no problem.”
“But I’m sure it makes my phone run faster?”
“No. Definitely doesn’t.”
“Well I read it’s good for–”
Dealing with a partner who uses Android
Complex. All relationships are about compromise, so if they’re not willing to, end it.
Best twitter accounts
The Godfather. Despite having given up on Daring Fireball, his twitter is still a great commentary for clear focused discourse. And the now bi-annual podcasts are always a blast. Having said that, I couldn’t really find any tweets on Apple either.
Is Gruber still in the Apple game? Anyone heard from him?
Most of the time I have no idea what he’s on about. But every so often he’ll lay into Apple and it’s like oh shit!
He also has a great story about smuggling the first iPhones from the Chinese factory back into the US on the Menu Bar podcast.
He’s like, just the best. So cool. Like, I feel like we’d get on in real life you know what I mean? Like, I used to care about fashion, not so much now, I just wear UniQlo. But like, I dunno, we could chat about Kayne. iPhones. Whatever. Whatever he wants.
Worst: Mark Gurman. Just not into him.