Why AirPower is late
“Whaddowe got, Phil.” Steve Jobs claps his hands and rubs them together.
“Steve!” Phil Schiller replies looking up. He’s pleased to see him, “AirPower, Steve. Wireless charging. Chuck your iPhone X on here, your AirPods, boom, they just charge.”
“Boom!” Steve replies. He looks at the oval white matt on the desk infront of Phil, takes out his iPhone X and chucks it on the AirPower.
The iPhone X plays a neat animation and starts charging.
“Look at that! It just works!”
“AirPower. I mean, it sounds 80s as hell but whatever.” Steve says beaming.
Phil frowns for a split second then smiles again, “Yep!”
“So what’s the ad campaign gonna be? Because visually, the AirPower looks like a sanitary towel.”
Phil frowns again but kinda shakes it off, “Well. Wait until you see this.”
Phil walks over to an upright A2 pad.
Phil whips over the first page.
AirPower by Apple
People are Thinking Different. And that is a good thing.
“Fuck is that?” Steve says with a scrunched face.
“What?” Phil replies.
“What the fuck am I reading here?”
“We’ve taken elements of traditional Apple messaging but with a modern twist.”
Steve stares at the poster.
‘People are thinking different. And that is a good thing.’
Steve reads it aloud, “People are thinking different… And that is a good thing…”
“Right.” Phil nods.
“Phil, I’m not sure why yet, but this irritates me more than anything I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Steve… It’s the new thing. People respond to it. Everyone’s doing it. All the tech sites. Gizmodo, the Verge. Everyone. Engagement is of the charts for these call to actions.”
Phil takes out his iPhone and opens Notes, “Listen to these headlines Steve, ‘Apple announced the iPhone X and people have lost their minds.’ ‘AirPods are the greatest Apple product of all time and people are literally in love with them and here’s why.’ ‘People are mad at the new MacBook Pro keyboards and that is a–’”
“Phil…” Steve interrupts.
“Steve,” Phil cuts Steve off, “the genius of ‘People are Thinking Different. And that is a good thing.’…”
Phil carries on, “We’re a huge a company now. We’re a household name. In 1997 we told people to Think Different. Well, now, people are thinking different. And that is a good thing!”
Steve joins his hands in the pray position under his chin.
“We also have variants. We’ve studied YouTube titles. And it turns out all caps with a typo plays well, it has huge engagement. They all do it. Casey Neistat, everyone.”
Steve is silent.
Phil carries on, “‘NEW AIRPOER PEEK THIS!!!! CRAYYZY!!’” Phil pauses, then breathes in, “‘APPLE AIRPOWER SHE LOVES IT?!?!?!’ See, it’s important to have random punctuation mixed with none at all. It’s important for people to think you had so little time to type because you’re so excited about what it is you’re saying. That’s genuine. Great fucking engagement, Steve. People love it.”
Steve still has his hands under his chin.
“The ‘that’” Steve says quietly.
Phil looks puzzled.
“‘People are Thinking Different. And that is a good thing.’” Steve reads out, “the ‘that’. That is the point where the entire sentence grabs my brain in its fist and squeezes it into mush. I fucking hate it. It’s fucking shit. Like, I really fucking hate it, Phil. On a guttural level. In my bones, Phil. I despise it.”
“Take this fucking shit, Phil. And destroy it. Fire every single person involved. Bury it. You hear me Phil?”
“Phil do you hear me?”
“Yes, I hear you Steve.”
“Cancel the AirPower launch until this fucking shit show is cleaned up.”