Jony Ive and the unresponsive iPhone X display in the cold

“Tim. We’ve got a problem.” A voice crackles through the intercom.

Tim Cook is sat at his desk transfering large sums of money between Ireland and Jersey. Jony Ive is on the sofa opposite finishing up his guest cover design for Wallpaper magazine’s December issue.

“What is it?” Tim says into the intercom.

“It’s the iPhone X, Tim. The screen doesn’t work in the cold. It’s all over the internet.

Tim frowns, “Well how did that happen?”

“No idea, Tim.”

Tim clicks the intercom and looks over at Jony Ive, who has slunk down behind his laptop screen.

“Jony?”

“Yeah.”

“You hear that? The iPhone X screen?”

“Yeah…”

“Why wouldn’t the iPhone X work in the cold?”

“Yeah I don’t know…”

“You did give the iPhone X to the fridge guy to test, right?”

“The fridge guy?”

“Jony…”

“Yeah course I did. Of course.” Jony winces.

Tim buzzes on his intercom, “Get me the fridge guy.”

“The fridge guy? Sure thing, Tim.” the intercom crackles back.

“Fuck sake I wonder what they’re gonna nick-name this one. Cold-gate or some shit.”

Several minutes later there’s a knock. A small man in a big eskimo coat and hood up enters.

“You’re the fridge guy?” Tim asks.

“Yes I the fridge guy!” the man says, his small round glasses are steamed up.

“What’s going on?”

“What?”

“You seen this?” Tim’s got up an article on his MacBook Pro and points a thumb at it.

“No. I was in the fridge.”

“Did Jony send you the iPhone X to test in the fridge?”

The fridge guy looks over at Jony. Jony is even lower in his seat, almost horizontal, and staring straight at his own screen. The fridge guy looks back at Tim.

“No. No one send me an iPhone since the iPhone 7.”

“No one sent you the iPhone X to test?”

“No.”

“So what were you doing down there?”

“Waiting.”

“FUCK.” Tim shouts. “Jony. How could you forget the fridge guy?”

“Yeah I don’t know.” Jony says, shaking his head, “The iPhone X… it’s been crazy. Designing Apple Park… Like, and now this cover for Wallpaper magazine is taking me ages. It’s been crazy.”

“How do we fix this?” Tim points at the fridge guy, “Global warming? Is that a thing? How long until the planet heats up and this won’t be an issue?”

“No I don’t think will work.” the fridge guy says.

“FUCK.” Tim shouts as he buzzes the intercom.

“Tim?”

“Patch me through to Craig Federighi.”

“Sure thing, Tim.”

A few seconds later Craig’s charming and breezy voice cracks over the intercom, “Hey Tim! How can I help you?”

“Craig, we got a problem. Jony forgot to send the iPhone X to the fridge guy.”

“Oh shit. Why’d he forget to do that?”

“He’s been busy designing the new cover for Wallpaper magazine.”

“And the screen doesn’t work in the cold?”

“Nope. You gotta do something, a software update or something.”

“How the fuck can a software update fix that?! It’s a hardware issue!”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“Tim, how the fu-”

Tim clicks the intercom and sighs. He looks over to Jony Ive. Jony’s still staring at his screen, but his head is red.

“Jony, this Wallpaper magazine cover better be good.”