Mark Zuckerberg’s missing two days

“You’re Mark Zuckerberg.” Mark Zuckerberg says, looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“Mark? They’re waiting for you.” says a voice from behind the locked bathroom door.

“Mark. Zuckerberg.” Mark repeats with emphasis.

Mark is about to deliver his first statement on the Cambridge Analytica scandal.

“Mark, please come out.” He’s been locked in the bathroom for three hours.

“Mark Za-ka-barg…” Mark is pulling a face at his reflection.

Strange name, he thinks.

“Marrr-zah-kah-barrrrrr” he says out loud.

It kinda rhymes.

“Mark! Please unlock the door.”

“Mah-zah.. ka-barrr” he replies, “Ma-zah ka-bah!”

Mark stops. Pulls a serious face. Then raises his fore-finger, “Mark. Zuck. Er-Berg.” he says poking himself on each syllable.

Poking, that was a thing, he thinks. People liked that.

“Mark, we have your wife here, she wants to talk to you.”

“Zuck.” He says at his refelction, “Zuckzuckzuck.”

“Mark, it’s me. Come out, honey. Come read this statement.”


Mark doesn’t come out for two days.