Steve Jobs and the iPhone X review units

Steve Jobs and Phil Schiller stand at one of those Apple tables, like you get in the stores.

“iPhone X launch is next week, so shall we go ahead and send out these review units?” Phil Schiller pats a pile of iPhone X’s. Steve Jobs is nodding slowly but his attention is on his phone screen.

“The usual suspects?” Phil continues.

“Yeah…” Steve says yeah but his nod has turned into a slow shake left and right, “You know what I’m thinking?”

Phil Schiller shrugs.

“Fuck them.”

“Fuck them?”

“Been browsing the tech sites and, have you seen the shit they complain about? Have you seen the comments sections?”

“How’d you mean?”

“The headphone jack, the TouchBar, charging the Apple Pencil. I mean really fucking complain. About everything.”

“Right. Yeah they’ve always loved to criticise us.”

“Yeah. We make all this shit. From scratch. Great shit. And… they whine because of a notch on the screen. Like, oh sorry these 50 revolutionary sensors are getting in your way. Know what I mean? Like… So why are we… You know? Just fuck them!”

“Yeah,” Phil nods, “Yeah fuck, so true.”

Steve is still looking down at his phone, “Got a comment here, ‘Fuck Tim Cook. He should be executed for what he’s done.’ I mean what did he do? This is regarding the charging port on the mouse.”

“Yeah, that’s crazy.”

“Crazy. Let’s just send it to people who fucking still get excited by the shit we make. You seen those YouTubers?”

“Yeah, yeah I have.”

“And fucking, those YouTubers, you seen the amount of followers they have? More than fucking the Verge that’s for sure.”

“Yeah. Fuck. Yeah ok. So we just don’t bother with any of the old tech guys?”

“Nah. Fuck them! They blew it.”

“What about Gruber? Guys like him, it’s their bread and butter. And they’re loyal fans.”

“Yeah he’s a good man. It’s a shame but, you know, nah, just cut it. We’re just sending all these guys our shit and it’s fuelling the madness. Got one here about you.”


“You said something about courage? They’re having a fucking field day with that one. The sites, the comments. Really laughing at you.”

“Fuck them.”

“Know what I mean?”

“Heh, Joshua Topolsky’s gonna shit.”

“Heh! Yeah.”

Read ‘Steve Jobs reviews the iPhone X’ here