Steve Jobs and Tim Cook argue about who’s better

Steve Jobs chuckles to himself. He’s slouched on the sofa in Tim Cook’s office. MacBook on his lap. Tim is sat at his desk.

Steve chuckles again but doesn’t say what he’s laughing at.

Tim hates that. Like, if you’re going to audibly laugh, at least follow up and tell the other person what it is you’re laughing at. Because, laughing to yourself and not saying anything, you’re basically forcing the other person to be like ‘heh what’s so funny?!’. It’s total narcisism. Thinks Tim Cook.

Well Tim isn’t going to take the bait. He’s gonna ride the silence. He’s gonna–

“Just reading…” Steve says not looking away from his MacBook.

“Oh yeah?” Tim replies. Looking up from his iMac Pro.

“Just reading these people comparing you to me.”

“Oh. Right.”

“They’re basically like, what have you, Tim Cook, done? Product-wise. Compared to me, Steve Jobs.”

“What I’ve done loads.” Tim says defensively.

“Nah. ‘Steve Jobs, 2004–2011, iPod, iPhone, iPad. What’s Tim Cook done?’ That’s what they’re saying, pal.”

Tim sighs, “When did you found Apple? 1976? First Mac launched in 1984… First iMac was 1998... First iPod, 2001…” Tim trails off and grabs his iPad and Pencil and starts sketching.

“What have you done, Tim? The Watch, a pair of AirPods and a Pencil?” Steve starts laughing again.

“HomePod.” Tim replies still sketching.

“Ha. Oh yeah. Six years.”

“MacBook Pro redesign. iMac Pro. Mac Pro on its way…” Tim carries on.

“You only did the iMac Pro because the 2013 Mac Pro was a fuck up! It was a panic move!”

“Your G4 Cube was a fuck up!” Tim yells back, not looking up from his iPad.

“Yeah but that was a new product category. You fucked an established product category! Which is way worse!” Steve’s beaming.

“Look.” Tim, spins his iPad around revealing a timeline from 1976 to 2018, “Look at this.”

“In the context of time. It’s early.” Tim points to the last six years in Apple’s 42 year history.

“I dunno Tim. Look at me. I was prolific. The Watch is ok but… is that it? And a HomePod?”

“Screw you. I finally sorted out Apple’s music problem.” Tim interrupts.

Steve stops smiling.

“What problem?” He says, frowning.

“iTunes Ping. That original iPod speaker. Total failure. I bought Beats, launched Apple Music and Beats1. The HomePod is a better product than the iPod speaker. And AirPods are crazy good…”

“Least I didn’t pre-annouce every single Apple product on the roadmap. You nutter!”



“Look at us. What they got us doing. Arguing like this.”

“I started fucking Pixar.”

“Steve. Everything’s fucking fine. I mean, there’s shit on fire, but there’s always shit on fire. Everything’s fine.”