Steve Jobs reviews the HomePod

Steve Jobs is sat at his desk. Opposite him is Tim Cook. And inbetween them, an Apple HomePod.

“You know what, Tim?” Steve is staring down at the HomePod. Quizically.

“What, Steve?” Tim feels good.

Steve looks up at Tim and pushes up his glasses with his forefinger.

“… It’s beautiful.”

“Right?!” Replies Tim.

“It sounds great.” Steve has his finger curled over his mouth.

“It really does.” Tim nods.

“The shape too. Jony did a fantastic job. There’s something about its radius. So unassuming, you almost ignore it, but also it’s equally as striking. It sucks you in.”

“Steve, I think we’ve done a great job on the HomePod. The reviews have been fantastic too, sound-wise.”

“You know what Tim?” Steve looks up again, “You did good. You did good, Tim.”

And there it is.

Praise from Caesar. Tim smiles. A smile he feels deep within his soul. He did it.

“You know what surprised me, but what I love most?” Steve asks as he leans forward and picks up the HomePod.

And then Tim sees it. Where the HomePod was stood, a small perfect darkened ring left in its place.

Steve hasn’t noticed and gently bounces the HomePod in his cradled hands, “It’s the weight. I love the weight of it. It feels rock solid. It feels great.”

But Tim’s smile has gone. He’s staring at the stained circle. Internally he begins to panic. His Apple Watch alerts him that his heart rate is over 120BPM despite being inactive.

Tim thinks quickly and reaches for his iPhone X, he makes out like he’s stretching out his arms, and places his iPhone over the circular stain.

“Yeah I mean–” Tim begins to speak but Steve cuts him off.

“Computational audio really is something,” Steve continues. He walks over to a set of waist-height drawers and places the HomePod on them. Then he walks back a few steps to appreciate it, “It really does sound good anywhere. Anywhere in the room.”

He walks forwards and picks the HomePod up again. Tim, does a casual but pacey jog and casually leans on the set of drawers with one hand covering up the new circular stain. Casually. Though Tim is a taller man so it appears more like an awkward curtsy than casual lean.

Steve cradles the HomePod and, while looking for somewhere else in the room to place it, strokes his mouth again, “Sales good?”

Tim darts a look across to Steve and his eyes nearly bulge out his head. He can’t believe it. The space grey silicone must have rubbed off on Steve’s fingers. There’s now a sort of Hitler mustache on Steve’s upper lip where he was just resting his hand.

“Errr, yeah, yep, initial figures are pretty good.” Tim clambers for words to make a sentence.

“I know we’re a little late to market with it,” Steve rubs his brow with thumb and index finger, “but, like the iPod, I don’t think that will be a problem.”

At this moment Tim’s iPhone starts vibrating on Steve’s desk.

BRRR-BRRR

Tim, still one hand on the chest of drawers, stares straight at Steve and nods, “Undoubtedly, Steve. Undoubtedly.”

BRRR-BRRR

“You gonna get that?” Steve says, now with a Hitler moustache and two thick black cartoon frown lines on his forehead.

“SIRI. Answer the call.” Tim says, glued to the spot.

BRRR-BRRR

“Siri doesn’t have that functionality Tim, you know that…” Steve looks at the scene in front of him, “What’s going on?”

He looks down at Tim’s phone. “It’s Phil.”

“Steve…” Tim says nervously.

Steve picks up Tim’s iPhone and swipes to answer. As he does he notices the dark stain on his desk. Then he notices his hands.

“Tim? It’s Phil.” says Phil Schiller’s voice from the tinny iPhone speaker, “We’ve got a BIG problem.”

Steve looks at Tim.